Page 61 of Tear Me to Pieces
But I’m still pissed off about it.
Lydia leans in at my side, whispering low in my ear. “Are you okay?”
That is a very good question. “I think so.” I look over the strained faces of the men around me. “Way better than everyone else.”
I don’t really know Butch. My feelings aren’t hurt that he was an undercover cop. It’s clear I’m in the vast minority though, so I’m just going to sit here and keep my mouth shut and ride this whole meeting out as best I can.
Or at least, that was my plan until Simon’s large hand comes to rest high on my thigh. I’m pretty sure it’s an unconscious move. He’s likely simply looking for reassurance that I’m all right.
But my sister doesn’t miss it.
Lydia’s attention lands right on where he gives my flesh a little squeeze. Her blue eyes stick, widening incrementally with each passing second before finally lifting to my face. Then they drop back to Simon’s hand and bounce back to my face, her brows crawling up her forehead.
Well. Shit.
Simon asked for six months. Room for me to learn who he was and try to figure out the same about myself. But it seems like mytime might have run out way faster than I expected, because my sister isn’t going to give me the same luxury.
Lydia grabs my hand, getting her pregnant butt up off the couch way faster than should be physically possible as she drags me along with her. “We’ll be right back.” She announces as she drags me through the room full of people and out into the hall. Her cute little waddle doesn’t slow as we pass through the entryway and into Christian’s office. After closing the door, she spins to face me. “What was that?”
I have very few options right now and none of them are great. I decide to go with the one that’s truthful but also omissive. “I don’t know.”
Lydia’s chin juts. “You don’t know why Simon just put his hand on your thigh?”
Part of me assumed Lydia had suspicions about us already, but the shock on her face is making me reconsider. “Did you really think we wouldn’t get closer while Simon was staying with me?”
The same freaking thing happened with her and Christian. She went to stay in his house so he could make sure she was safe, and bingo bango.
They became romantically intertwined.
Not that I think that’s what’s happening with me and Simon. This isn’t about romance. This is about figuring out if we’re compatible enough to raise children together. Be connected. Have some semblance of a relationship.
“Yeah. I really thought Simon was a good enough guy he would be able to stay with you without trying to get into your pants.” Lydia’s tone is accusatory. A little aggressive.
And I’m already feeling defensive about Simon, so it makes me careless with my next words. “By your calculations, if Simon’s not a good guy then neither is Christian.” I step closer, knowing what I’m saying is a little mean, but unable to help myself. “And you were a virgin, so that makes it even worse.”
My sister’s mouth drops open, like she can’t believe I would dare turn her words back and point them at Christian. She loves him—I get that—but if she really thinks Simon’s bad for getting close to me, I’m going to look at her husband through the same lens.
Lydia stands taller, lifting her chin. “I’m the one who pursued Christian.”
I angle a brow at her. “What makes you think I’m not in the same boat?”
Oop.
I purse my lips, getting slammed a little too hard by my own truthful words. I didn’t mean to think them, let alone say them out loud. But there’s no taking the admission back now.
Ihavepursued Simon. I pretended like I wasn’t. Gave myself all sorts of excuses why things between us could never be all I’d want or what he deserved. Tried to convince myself I didn’t have enough to give. Couldn’t meet whatever expectations I set for my own behaviors. That I was too broken to be able to have someone like him.
And maybe I am. Maybe I’ve been through too much. Maybe I’m too jaded and cynical.
But what if I’m not?
“I’ve got to go.” I step around my sister, pausing when I have one hand on the doorknob. Turning back, I give her an apologeticsmile. “Sorry I was shitty about Christian.” Flinging the door open, I start to step out, but turn back again. “It’s true though. If Simon’s an asshole, so is Christian.” I finally walk away, hurrying through the entryway and down the hall, back to where Simon sits on the sofa.
I recognize what he’s dealing with right now is big. That Butch’s betrayal is life changing and earth shattering. But so is what I need to tell him, and I know Simon well enough to guess which of the two he’d deem more important.
Going straight to where he is, I grab his hand, pulling hard. “We need to go.”
Levi stops in the middle of the tirade he’s currently dishing out, expression befuddled as I manage to drag Simon to his feet. “What’s wrong?”
