Page 62 of Tear Me to Pieces
I smile even though it’s sort of misplaced in the room. “Nothing.” I tug Simon’s arm, moving him toward the back door. “Something just came up and we need to go.”
Simon’s dark brows pinch together in concern, but he doesn’t ask me any questions. His hand comes to my back, resting warm and solid and grounding as he turns to his brothers. “I’ll get with you guys later.”
I go straight for the back door and he follows me out. Doesn’t ask me what’s wrong. Doesn’t question my motives. Doesn’t hesitate. Because when it comes down to it, I’m important to him. Maybe more important than anything else.
And that brings on a few questions. I might be smack dab in the middle of my own epiphany, but now I’m also thinking through Simon’s behaviors over the past year.
There’s no way I’ve taken such an important spot in his life in just a week. Simon’s a nice man, but his family means more to him than some woman he’s just kind enough to look out for. Some woman who asked to have his baby.
I move a little faster, hiking across Piper and Tate’s backyard with purpose as my brain spins faster and faster. By the time we walk in my back door, I know where this conversation needs to start. I step into the space he’s worked so hard to make for me and turn to face him. “How long have you wanted me?”
Simon goes completely still, big body freezing in place as his eyes meet mine.
I wait, unable to breathe or blink as the seconds drag out. Will he lie? Will he tell me the truth? Will either option be what I’m expecting? What I’m hoping for?
Simon pulls in a deep breath, continuing to hold my gaze. “Since I carried you through the woods.”
My already racing heart picks up speed, beating so fast I’m a little concerned for its well-being. “Why?”
This past year I’ve felt so bad in so many ways. I’ve felt like a failure. Like I was overcompensating one day and undercompensating the next. I’ve struggled to find purpose. Passion. Happiness. Thought I was falling short in just about every expectation I had for how things would all go.
In short, I thought I was a mess. But Simon wouldn’t want a mess, so I want to know what he saw.
“Because you’re brave. Stronger than anyone I’ve ever known.” He takes a step toward me. “Determined to find a way through all the devastation and manipulation.”
I barely shake my head, not wanting to admit the truth, but needing him to see it. “But I didn’t. I’m still lost.”
Simon’s lips curve in a slow smile. “You were never lost, My. Sometimes it just takes time when you go through instead of around.” He stops in front of me, reaching out to curve a warm, calloused hand along my cheek. “You didn’t hide from the pain or the sadness or the frustration. You stood right there in the middle of it and faced it down.” He shakes his head. “Most people don’t do that. They’re too afraid to really look at what’s there.” The brush of his thumb across my cheek is as soft as his voice. “But not you.”
I don’t know what to say to all that. I’ve spent the last six months caught in a cycle I couldn’t seem to stop. It felt like my past was quicksand and as long as I held still, I wouldn’t sink any deeper.
“I know you thought you were stuck, My, but you weren’t. You were just waiting for the right time to make your next move.” His dark eyes move over my face. “Running as fast as you can just to keep from stopping isn’t always the right answer.”
I gaze up at him, digesting his words. “Is that what you did? Ran so you wouldn’t have to stop?”
Simon tips his head in a small nod. “For a while.” This time his thumb slides across my lower lip. “But then I started running for a different reason.”
My stomach flips. “What was the reason?”
“You.” His eyes drop to where he strokes my mouth with a careful touch. “To give you the time you needed to be ready for me.” His voice lowers to a whisper. “Are you ready for me, My?”
I think long and hard before giving him my answer. I know it’s not what he’s expecting to hear, but Simon makes me feel safe enough to offer the truth. “No.” I meet his eyes, hoping he understands. That he can see what I’m trying to say. “But I want you anyway.”
I don’t know if I will ever feel ready for what’s between us. I do know my readiness won’t stop it from being there. I also know I won’t let Simon get away from me. I might not be perfectly prepared to jump into what he wants from me, but I’m entirely confident he won’t let me fall.
I hold my breath, waiting for his response. Terrified what I can give him won’t be enough.
But instead of giving me some sort of answer or agreement, he surprises me with something else.
“Why?”
A smile spreads across my lips, because I don’t think he believes I’m prepared to answer the same question I asked him.
I am. I could’ve answered it months ago.
“Because I trust you. Because I want to take care of you. Because I miss you when you’re not around. Because you make me laugh.” I take a shuddering breath. “Because I know you’ll never hurt me or take advantage of me or treat me like I’m beneath you.”
I could continue, but Simon stops me, the seal of his mouth against mine halting the rest of the reasons I want him.
