Page 60 of Rookie Season
“Noah,” I admit. “I like him. And…he almost kissed me the other night.”
Cora quirks a brow. “Why the ‘almost’?”
I shrug, stuffing my hands farther into my coat pockets. “I chickened out. Broke the moment.”
“Why the hell would you do that?”
“We’re roommates. We have to live together.”
“So?” Cora widens her eyes like I’m ridiculous for not giving into this, and maybe she’s right.
“I don’t want it to ruin our friendship,” I hedge, because I can hardly tell her that I didn’t kiss him because I wasscared.
And almost worse, that I know deep down my fear was not of Noah, or of anything he might do—I trust him; I know implicitly that I’m safe with him—but that my fear was ofmyself.
Of cracking open a part of me I’ve locked away for so many months now, pushed away to lie dormant within a dark corner of myself so it can’t hurt me again.
It’s been one thing to let myselffeeldesire and want forNoah since I moved into the loft. To imagine what it would be like with him. But as I discovered on Halloween night, it’s a totally different thing to actually let myself act on that desire. To be physical in any kind of way with someone again—even if it doesn’t go any further than kissing. It’s a discovery I don’t like one bit. One that makes me feel like I’m malfunctioning or something.
“Is he a good guy?” Cora asks.
I don’t even have to think before answering, “He is. He’s such a good man.”
She nods at this. “Then you should go for it.” She winks at me. “Because you obviously trust him, and because damn it, that man isfine.”
“That, he is,” I agree.
Cora groans as she adjusts the strap of her purse on her shoulder. “You’re living everyone’s dream, my girl. A hot athlete who’s actually your friendandhe’s a good guy who will treat you nicely…living in the same loft as you. I mean, what more could you want?Carpe diem. Seize the hockey player.”
I snort with laughter, but honestly? Cora’s words have the cogs in my brain turning.
As if on cue, my phone pings, and I fish it out of my pocket. My stomach swooshes dangerously when I see it’s fromhim. A direct text message, not in our group chat, for my eyes only.
Noah
Just for the record, Ally, I will never not worry about you.
His words settle over me heavily, making me feel like I’m wrapped in a protective blanket and jumping out of a plane all at once.
And the reality of the situation hits me square in the chest:Cora is right.
Noah is amazing. He’s kind, he’s protective, and he’s a gentleman. One who will treat me with respect.
So maybe the secret to fixing my fears is not to run from them, but face them. I can’t let myself live my whole life being scared.
Because screw Tyler.
He doesn’t get to have a say in the person I am. Of how I view myself, of how I want to live my life.
Maybe it’s time for me to stop holding myself back out of fear, and instead let myself lean in with a person I know I can trust—and a person I trust myself with. Someone who’ll make me feel safe and sexy at the same time, but more than that, make me feel okay with that.
Because if there’s one thing I know for a fact, it’s this: I want Noah Downsby. In the worst way.
CHAPTER 25
Noah
You’re not drinking all my green juice mix are you?
