Page 75 of Rookie Season
Dr. Lamb’s familiar face appears on the screen, and he’s smiling. It’s nice to see him, as his face and voice have always been comforting to me. His skin has more wrinkles than it did when I started talking to him ten years ago, and his blond hair and beard are turning white. He’s the sameage my dad would be now. I wonder if Dad’s hair would be threaded with silver…
“Noah,” Dr. Lamb says. “I was so glad to see you wanted to meet. It’s been a while.”
I nod. “Yeah, it’s good to see you.”
“So, how’s life? I watched your game last night.” He smiles warmly, and I smile back.
“Thanks for watching. Life is good, I can’t really complain.” Harry Styles jumps up on my bed and curls up next to me. Dr. Lamb can see him on the screen, and he chuckles.
“You have a new friend?”
I look down at the nuisance fondly. “I have a few new friends,” I admit. “That’s kind of why I wanted to talk.”
Dr. Lamb steeples his hands on top of his desk and studies me through the screen. “Okay, tell me about your friends.”
I swallow. “Well, I’m living with two of my teammates, Archibald Fisher and Penn Matthews…and also one of Fisher’s friends from college. Her name is Ally.” When I say Ally’s name my voice cracks with an unexpected emotion.
He hums thoughtfully. “Can you tell me about the emotions coming up right now?”
“Ally kind of…burrowed under my skin.” I huff a laugh. “I tried to stop it, but I couldn’t.”
Dr. Lamb tilts his head, a soft smile tugging at the corner of his mouth. “Why’d you want to stop it?”
“I didn’t want to be distracted.” I drag a hand through my hair. “Or at least, that’s what I told myself.”
He stays silent, waiting for me to continue.
“But I’ve recently realized that ever since my parents died, I’ve kept everyone away. Stopped anyone from getting too close.” I blow out a breath. “It’s easier that way,so I don’t have to worry about anything happening to them.”
“Are you worried something will happen to Ally?” he asks, leaning toward the screen.
“Yes,” I whisper, my voice hoarse. “It’s driving me mad. The urge to check on her and protect her. It feels like how I was with Andie after losing Mom and Dad, but this time, it might be even worse.”
He nods. “It’s understandable you’d worry, Noah. You went through something very difficult and traumatic as a young boy. I think it speaks volumes about how much you care about Ally that you’d feel so protective over her safety.”
“She’s…,” I pause, trying to contain my emotions. “She’s been through hell this year. And although everything happened before I even knew her, I feel sick that I wasn't there to protect her.”
“Sometimes it’s even more difficult watching someone you love go through hardship than to go through it yourself.”
I nod, but my mind is scattered at the wordlove. Deep down, I know he’s probably labeled my feelings correctly. I’ve never felt this way about anyone. Ever. But it also seems too soon to feel this much. Either way, I can’t deny I’m falling for her. Falling hard.
“Yeah,” I finally say. “It is.”
“Are you close with your other roommates? Penn and Fisher?”
“Yes and no,” I reply as I mull over his question. “I roomed with Penn all through college and I consider him my best friend—we’re teammates and we’ve always had each other’s backs—but I’ve never even told him how my parents died.” Admitting this out loud makes me understand just how little I’ve let him in. Letanyonein.
“Do you mostly talk about work with them?”
I nod, blowing out a long breath. I’ve kept things all hockey, all the time. I enjoy the hell out of hockey, of course. But I’m finally understanding I’ve used it as a coping mechanism for too long.
Dr. Lamb eyes me knowingly, like he sees my wheels spinning and knows I’m putting everything together. I’ve done enough therapy to label exactly what this is.
“I’ve used hockey as a means of escape, haven’t I?”
Harry Styles suddenly tilts his head up and meows like he’s answering the question for me.
Dr. Lamb smiles.
