Page 34 of Hard Ride
She hesitates a moment, then says, “Partly. You were a complication that I didn’t see coming, and you…confused me. I didn’t understand how I could want two men.”
That makes sense. We were all so young back then, still trying to work out who we were as adults, and then with the added complication of my and Tate’s shitty childhoods. Having a woman we both wanted in the center of everything was…difficult.
“So, you left?”
“So, I left,” she agrees.
“You should have talked to us,” I say, because I’ve been wanting to tell her this for years, too. “You should at least have told us why you were leaving.”
She pulls her chin from my grip all of a sudden, glancing away. “I know,” her voice sounds husky. “I should have. But I didn’t want to have that conversation. I didn’t want to tell Tate that I had feelings for you, because I didn’t want to come between you two. And I thought you both would come after me if I said anything, and I didn’t want you to.”
I let her have her privacy for a minute, because this is a difficult conversation to have, and while both Tate and I were furious when she left, time and maturity have dulled our anger, or certainly mine at least.
“I was a coward,” she says at last.
“No,” I say, gathering her close. “You weren’t a coward. You were nineteen and very young, and fuck, that’s not a conversation any nineteen-year-old wants to have.”
She turns her head into my chest. I’ve got my shirt back on, but I didn’t do up the buttons, so her cheek is warm against my bare skin, and the tight, hot thing in my chest gets tighter. “I know, but still, I should have. I should have been brave enough.”
I let my fingers sift through her red curls, and they feel just as soft and silky as I thought they would. She feels just as soft and silky as I thought she would. Christ, having her naked and in my arms like this, admitting that she had feelings for me, feels so good, so right. I told Tate this might be a problem, and it is.
“Look, I’m not going to lie,” I say. “Tate was furious and so was I, and yes, if you’d told us you were leaving, we would have done our damndest to stop you. But…” I pause. “That’s done now. That’s over. I’m not angry about it anymore, and Tate isn’t either.”
She lifts her head and looks up at me, her blue gaze open. “He sounded angry when he spanked me.”
“He wasn’t.” I smile, because while she certainly threw herself into that scene, she’s still very new. “That was all part of the scene.”
“Oh.” Her cheeks are pink. “Did he…ask you to join in?”
“Yes.”
“And you said yes because…you wanted me?”
She asks the question hesitantly, as if she’s not sure of the answer, which, after what we all did together, is a little ridiculous of her.
“Katie,” I tell her. “I’ve never stopped wanting you.”
“Why?” she asks. “Why me?”
An easy question to answer. “Because you’re bright and intelligent, and funny and warm. You’re beautiful and so fucking sexy, and you have the bravest heart.”
She blinks, her eyes turning liquid. “I never knew.”
“Now you do.” I stroke her cheek lightly. “So, I’ve been honest about my feelings for you, now it’s your turn to come clean.”
She is silent for a moment, just staring up at me. Then at last, she says softly, “I’ve never stopped wanting you, either.”
Satisfaction grips me, as well as a relief that really shouldn’t be as intense as it is. “Is that why you didn’t use your safe word?”
“Yes. Out in the hallway, when you were with the sub in that room, I came fantasizing about you fucking me.”
“Tate told me that’s what happened. That’s partly why he asked me to join in.”
She lifts a hand, and her fingertips brush my cheekbone, a light, almost hesitant touch as if she’s not sure if she’s allowed to. “What’s the other part?”
“He didn’t want to lose you,” I say, and I’m sure Tate wouldn’t mind me telling her this. It’s not as if he’s made any secret of it, after all. “And he didn’t want to frighten you. He didn’t want to push you too hard. We work well together as Doms since he’s more of a hardass than I am, and he trusts me to tell him when he’s going too far.”
“Oh,” she says, clearly thinking about this. “That makes sense.” She frowns again. “Does he know….?”
