Page 15 of Rock Bottom
I felt every single millimeter of him going in — the slow, relentless stretch, opening me more and more, invading me, filling me full. I breathed through the pain, grateful when he stopped to let me get used to his unyielding girth before he pressed in again. He overwhelmed my senses but never quite tipped me into panic. I could do this because Julian was helping me deal with it, coaching me to breathe, backing off when I truly needed some time, but otherwise, inexorably pressing in, opening me wider and wider.
No one’s ever made me cry when I’m in the mindset of a man. Laurent could break me down in girl mode, reduce me to a sobbing mess, but never when I was fully in the mindset of a man, which I usually was, when I was with him. He was so much rougher with me, as a result, and maybe I was testing Julian a little, showing up as a man instead of a woman. I’d almost expected him to no longer be interested, but he was, and now he’d put me where I needed to be even as a man. Open and shaking. Taken. Owned.
I desperately wanted him to open me wide, to claim me, to fuck me raw and hurt me because he knew I could take it.
After going so slow to start, he sped up, pressing in harder and faster, forcing me to take all of his too-long cock, pushing and pushing, relentless. Unyielding. The speculum had made me nearly ready for him, but not all the way, and I screamed and yelped plenty while he pressed his way in, digging my fingers into the sheets while he sank deeper and deeper. I eventually begged him to give me a minute to get used to him, but he held my hips in those massive hands and kept going, inch by inch. My body had no choice but to surrender.
When he finally, finally touched the front of his body to the back of mine, I gasped out, “Sir!Fuck, Sir!”
“Yes, boy, that’s the idea. Tell me you need me to fuck you hard, boy. We both know you need it, yes?”
I nodded and squeezed my eyes closed. Clutched the sheets into my hands. “I do, Sir!”
* * * *
Julian
I fucked him as hard and fast as I dared with a fragile human, and it was a relief, knowing Adelaide was monitoring us and would stop me before I hurt him more than was acceptable.
I could scent when he was nearing the end of his endurance, so I ordered him to come, and then I let loose and filled the condom, deep in my boy’s ass.
The condom was a dampener, but I still came with all the force of a vampire who’s taken on the power of lust from his new Master.
I’m only allowed to feed in large quantities from the lust in the room, but I took a little directly from Silver when he came, and I knew Silver felt it. He didn’t understand it, but he felt the extra kick of it.
Logic makes you think the person being fed from will feel less lust, but in truth, it amplifies the lust and makes it the best orgasm ever. I only took a tiny amount, but I could tell it worked for Silver, and I discarded the condom, wiped him down gently, and then stretched out on the bed and pulled him to me, his back tucked into my front, and I petted him. His skin was still warm, faintly damp, smelling like salt and sex and something sweeter beneath it all. The salt scent wasn’t quite right, but I made a mental note to check on it later. Not now.
“I’m not ready to talk to you about the way I was trained,” I told him softly, my lips brushing the side of his neck, tempting myself. I wasn’t going to bite him, but fuck, he smelled sweet and savory andperfect. “But it’s important you know I equate pain with affection. When I hurt you, it’s a statement of affection, equal to a soft caress from most.”
He was completely relaxed under me, breathing slow and even, but still awake. When he didn’t respond, I slid my palm over his chest. Caressing and petting without trying to arouse, and I kept going.
“Pain given with care and thought can empty you, make you a vessel for lust and affection, pleasure, ecstasy. One must give way to the pain, must ask for more when it’s needed, and must suffer in silence when one can’t possibly ask for more.”
I kissed the top of his head. “Never again will I ask you to let me know when you’ve had enough. It’s my job to know, from here on out.Yellowis no longer in our language during a scene.”
My palm came to a rest over his heart, soaking in the beat of his heart. “Sleep, my sweet boy. I’ll stay with you until you’re under.”
He shook his head. “No. Don’t go.”
“I must be home by three on this night.” I gathered him closer, tucking my leg over his thigh to anchor him against me. He felt smaller like this, folded into my body, and it struck me all over again how much trust he’d given me.
“You have me another two hours,” I said, my cheek against his hair. “Sleep.”
Chapter 6
Silver
We texted dozens of times over the next two days, and he asked if I’d like to go throw axes with him. He sent me a link for the place, and it looked interesting, so I agreed, and he texted back,I should be able to talk around six o’clock this evening, if you’re free to talk then?
Yeah. I’m on a break right now. Nothing pressing for a couple of weeks.
We only talked about twenty minutes, but it was lighthearted and fun, which was exactly what I needed. It felt like Julian was checking in with a friend who might one day be more. He told me he should be able to talk around six the next evening as well, and I told him to feel free to call whenever he had time.
I went back to the Beast Castle the next day because I didn’t want to be alone. Watching Will with Micca and Davy made me feel good because those three justwork. It also hurt a little, because I don’t think I’ll ever be able to have that, but I’m not the kind of person who hates others for having what I want. That’s just stupid.
The truth is, I’d been dreading the end of the tour. Time to myself, away from the band. What the fuck was I going to do with myself? My brother has shit going on right now with a big merger, so I didn’t ask if he wanted to spend time together. Most every relationship, the guy has wanted me to stay in boy mode, but I like being a girl. The Doms who want the girl mostly ignore my cock and then just want to be my friend when I’m in boy mode — assuming they don’t think it’s okay for them to just order me back to girl mode.
So yeah, I’d been considering whether I could pick a gender and stick with it, if it meant I could find someone to grow old with. Someone to share my life with.
