Page 19 of A Shimla Affair
My darlings, I hope this picture, and the stories behind them, remind you that some things are worth fighting and even dying for.
Perhaps this is what real men and women are made of, of bravery and grit. I thought of Afreen and Ratan Babu, of our father who died because he raised his voice. I wondered long into the night what the meaning of my life could be, and I prayed that God would show me the right path.
We sought to bring the hotel back to order, convincing our guests that the place was secure and that the preparations for the Summer Jubilee Ball were in full swing. Begum Jaan was banished from the hotel grounds and had not been seen since. I saw Noor become quieter, curtailing her usual chatter with guests and Afreen spending all day in the kitchens, only emerging to sleep and bathe. The stress of our impending future had us all in a chokehold, and there was nothing I could do about it.
I didn’t even have the heart to write back to Charles. He had sent more letters but I was unable to shake off the feeling that I had already gone too far by entertaining his advances. I waited for the moment when he would see that I could never be the partner he sought, never be the English hostess that a man of his position might desire. If he was saddled with me, he would never be given the respect he was due. And now that we stood a chance to lose the hotel, what evenwasI? A common woman with a negligible dowry and a fraught history. I mourned what I never had.
Wallowing in my angst as I was, I heard from Noor that a Parsi family was going to be arriving and that I must join her in receiving them. I welcomed her orders with relief—in a mechanical routine, these daily tasks gave me much-needed short-term distractions.
Stoically, I waited outside our lobby doors, standing next to Noor with my hands folded in front of me, when the family finally arrived. A young man with a thin moustache, dressed impeccably in a tailored English suit, bowed with a grin so pleasant I wondered if we already knew each other. The fathersurveyed me and then smiled while speaking to Noor. The mother held my face in her hands, embracing me. I hugged her back, extremely confused. These Parsis! Just because there are so few of us, they always felt the need to act like we were one big family.
Perhaps then one could imagine my confusion when I was left alone with this young man for tea. He began reciting his interests and engagements, work and businesses, how a recent contract had been bestowed on them by the government. He suggested that I would like being back in Bombay.
I stared at him in bewilderment. By the time I realized what was going on, my face had already given me away.
His smile faltered, ‘Did your sister not inform you? We are meeting to see whether we are suitably matched.’
I spent the rest of the evening in a forced calm. Inside, I raged at the unfairness of it all. Why must I marry this Parsi man? What kind of life would I be committing myself to if I promised myself to one while my heart belonged to another?
I tried not to look at Noor with too much hostility as she charmed the family on my behalf.
‘Ever since our father died, it has been my greatest wish and responsibility to see both my sisters married and settled,’ Noor said, fondly patting my head. Well, at least that part was true. ‘Afreen, older to Nalini, of course, has married into the Rajputs. I’m sure you know them, a very prominent family, also from Bombay. My father used to say, if only he could get his daughters happily married, he would be blessed with heaven. And finally, when Nalini is married, I can be sure that our father is in heaven …’
The family nodded sympathetically but refrained from commenting further. Our father’s final acts had made him popular among some Parsis and notorious among others. The family’s silence made clear which side they were on and how Imust discard all solidarity with my father if there was to be a union.
‘At the end of July will be our Summer Jubilee Ball, attended even by the Viceroy,’ Noor offered cleverly, judging the mood, ‘Please, you all must come.’
Once the Parsi family left the next day, Noor asked me for my answer.
‘My answer? Do they know about the hotel, how it will be taken away from us, or are you willing to deceive them in your quest to get me married off?’
She seemed angered by my insinuation. ‘I won’t let them take the hotel away from us, don’t you worry about that. You just worry about your future. Why don’t you want to marry this man?’
I thought about Charles. ‘Because he doesn’t have magic in his voice.’
She was thrown off by that. ‘You mean he is not a good singer? Nalini, that’s not important.’
‘No! That’s not what I mean! Have you ever heard someone’s voice and felt your heart dance? Somersaulting around your stomach, and making your ears feel all delighted? I can’t marry him! I can’t marry anyone in whose voice I don’t find magic.’
She looked at me like I was mad.
‘In the past, girls were happy if they were married! It would be the most exciting thing to talk about! Oh no, now they want magic in the voice and for their heart to dance and fireworks! When our father told me that I must marry the son of the Lahore Iranis, I obeyed him without question. My dear sister, this is marriage, not your silly talkies! Step out of your fantasies, this is real life!’
‘I will never get married,’ I promised. ‘If I can’t have what I want, I won’t take what I am given.’
Noor looked at me tiredly, before walking away, but I stayed resolute. I wasn’t going to marry the next Feroze or Shyam that Noor brought to me. Afreen too had been able to choose the life, and the man, that she loved, and it would be a sorry disappointment if I couldn’t follow her lead. My life would be more than a convenient barter.
ACT TWO
The Shimla Circle
7
Iwent for a walk in the forest outside the hotel, and it was eerily quiet. I could hear the rustle of the leaves, and the twitter of the birds. The moment, in its fullness and purity, first made me emotional, and then slightly hopeful. Just as I began thinking that life might not be such a terrible thing, I heard footsteps approach.
‘Oh! It’s you!’ I said, surprised yet relieved to see Charles.
He seemed equally surprised to see me, taking off his hat and bowing in greeting. Charles seemed upset and that somehow made him look even more charming. His hair dishevelled, his blue eyes holding back endearing indignation, and his lips twisted in a pout.
