Page 20 of A Shimla Affair
We stood awkwardly in the middle of the forest for a moment, nothing and nobody around to disturb us, except for the monkeys. Being next to him calmed my aching heart and I longed to turn and fling my arms around him.
‘Where are you headed?’ I asked.
‘I was coming up to the hotel to meet you.’
That surprised me, and I looked at him, waiting for him to elaborate. But he dallied a bit until I glared at him.
‘You’re getting married to that Parsi man!’ He burst out, hurt and disapproval evident in his voice.
It took me a moment to place what he was talking about. ‘How did you know? Have you been spying on me?’ I asked.
‘Servants gossip. My clerk mentioned that you were visited by a suitor,’ He said, ‘I feel terrible! I wrote you letters, poured out my heart, and you didn’t answer me!’
I put up my hand, ‘I don’t know what you heard, but I didn’t even know that a suitor was coming to meet me and nor did I accept him. Not that you have any right to demand this from me, Mr Nayler.’
Hi face changed completely, and he froze before he could start complaining again. ‘Oh.’
‘Anything else?’ I asked.
I expected him to speak more. Instead, he pulled out a small flask and took a swig, and I realized he had alcohol in there.
‘What is that?’
‘Whiskey,’ he answered with a grin.
‘Can I have some?’
He was staggered at first, and then nervous about my request. He didn’t extend the flask towards me.
‘I’m the daughter of an opium merchant, Mr Nayler. You can hardly shock me with intoxicants.’
He laughed. ‘Only if you call me Charles.’
Charles’ hands brushed against mine as he handed me the flask, and I felt nervous about our sudden intimacy. He had come all this way to complain about my marrying another, and now we stood in the forest drinking whisky. Just the two of us.
I felt the strong, warm liquid course through my throat. It was intense but not in a bad way. He could read the approval on my face.
‘Three years ago, I was engaged to be married to a woman,’ Charles admitted, taking me by surprise.
‘Oh, what happened, Charles?’
‘She broke it off for someone more suitable. At the time, I was a junior officer, and she didn’t think she could have a comfortable life with me in India. The other man, the one who is her husband now, had a higher salary and that changed her mind.’
‘I’m sorry to hear that. That’s so sad.’
‘Not really. You see, even though it felt quite tragic at the time, I didn’t feel as sad in my heart as I would expect to feel. And that feeling scared me, because I thought to myself, if I loved this woman as I had told her I did, then why did it not break my heart more?
‘I felt the absence of a feeling, rather than its presence. Now, I finally am rid of its absence, I see what everyone was talking about. I feel … its presence … with you.’
Charles had said what I always wanted to hear. But he didn’t give me the time to answer. Suddenly changing his tone, he asked with a small grin, ‘You had told me of the gatherings in your bunkers with the guests. Do you also smoke some of your father’s opium then?’
For the benefit of impressing and shocking him, I told him the truth. ‘Well, yes.’
His mouth fell open. It made me happy, having him think of me as a woman of mystery. ‘Can I join you there? Maybe your sisters will soften towards me then.’
‘If you want, you can come with me now. It’s evening, and some of them might be there.’
We walked back together, our shoulders brushing. Something about his easy gait, his trusting eyes and sparkling laughter, gave me the confidence to ask a question that had haunted me for some time.
