Page 154 of Next to Everything We Wanted
All four heads turned toward me, as if they were thinking the same thing.
I put a hand in my jacket pocket. “You guys don’t have to tell me about how I screwed things up by dating Sienna—I already know.” I looked at Forrest. “As much as I hate to say it, you were right. I do regret it.”
Forrest, whose jaw had been clamped shut the entire time, finally opened his mouth. “I wish everyone would’ve listened to me instead of making me feel like the biggest asshole on the planet.”
“We’re not going to fight about this, remember?” Phoenix interjected.
“What’s the point of even trying to be calm?” Forrest threw his hands up. “I knew branching out would be a bad idea, I knew Gavin dating that chick would be a bad idea, but no one listened to me. No, everyone had to act like I was such a jerk and guilt me into what Gavin wanted.”
“Why are you making this about you?” I asked, trying to keep my anger under control.
He scoffed, jumping up from the couch. Celeste reached for him, but he swatted her away. “Why does everything have to be about you?” he shot back. “You want the girl, you want to branch out, you want to do this—the past two months have been all about you. And how much have you given how we felt the time of day?”
I blinked. “I’ve cared about how you’ve felt the whole time. I asked you if you wanted to perform at Moonlight Lounge. I listened to you talk about your problems that night?—”
“That night,” he repeated, snarling. “What about the rest of the time? Do my feelings only matter when they bother you?”
“Forrest, I’m sorry if things came off that way, but I’ve always cared about how you felt. I care about how you all feel.”
“I’m not saying that I agree with Forrest,” Ellis interjected. “But all of this stuff the past few months . . . It has been about you. All starting with Sienna.”
“Thank you!” Forrest threw his hands up again.
“Not saying I agree with Forrest either,” Celeste said. “Though I do agree with Ellis.”
I sighed, knowing deep down that they were right. Ever since Sienna came into the picture, everything had been about me. I’d been the main character in a story we were supposed to share.
I looked at Phoenix, who only nodded at me. He didn’t need to say anything—he knew it, too.
“I never meant to make everything about me,” I said. “I wanted to branch out, I wanted to overcome my fears, I wanted to try something new. I thought changing things would fix things.”
“We understand,” Celeste said, giving me the first smile I’d seen in hours.
“You meanyouunderstand,” Forrest snapped, looking back at her. “What, are we just going to magically forgive Gavin? If I’d done the same, you would all slander me. But no, we’re just going to act like this never happened and make the same mistakes all over again.”
Hot blood boiled through my system, and once I opened my mouth, I couldn’t stop the words from flowing out.
“Now you’re the one making everything about yourself. I already told you that you were right, and you’re making everyone feel worse. I thought you’ve changed, matured, yet you’re still the same. You’re still the same guy from May, you’re still the same guy from last year, you’re the same guy from when you were an alcoholic. I’m far from perfect, but at least I’ve grown up!”
The whole room fell silent. Ellis stopped eating his ice cream, Celeste’s mouth dropped, and Phoenix’s eyes widened, but their shock was nothing compared to how Forrest looked.
The anger in Forrest’s face mixed with another emotion as his jaw clenched—hurt. He closed his eyes for a few moments, balling his fists. “Maybe,” he said, his chest heaving. “Maybe I’m the one who should have regrets.”
I didn’t move or respond, as frozen as the rest of the room.
“And you know what I regret?” He stepped closer to me, our faces only a few inches apart. “I regret answering your voicemail two and a half years ago. I wish we never would’ve become friends again.”
Forrest’s words cut through my chest, a painful sensation bursting from my ribs. I knew I’d gone too far and deserved every word, yet it nearly knocked me over, like I’d been hit with a baseball bat.
But I couldn’t let Forrest see me so weak, even if I was the obvious loser. So, I crossed my arms and said, “Me too. Thank you for showing me how stupid I’ve been.”
With that, I spun on my heel and stormed back into my room, locking the door. I finished packing my first suitcase and zipped it up before packing the other one. Now, I didn’t care whether or not I’d worn something around Sienna. I just needed to get out of here.
I was stuffing Roosevelt the teddy bear into my backpack when the door opened, revealing Phoenix with a key in his hands.
“The extra key thing wasn’t an empty threat,” he said.
“I never said it was.” I zipped my backpack. Most of my room was packed, other than the books and record collections on my bookshelf, but I could get them another time—if Forrest didn’t burn them.
