Page 175 of Next to Everything We Wanted
“You didn’t have to.” He reached for my hand, grazing my fingers. “We haven’t seen each other in years, but I know when you love something. And when you love something, you don’t give up on it until you don’t love it anymore.”
I crossed my arms. “It doesn’t matter how I feel about her. She lied to me about her mom, I hid my past from her—we’re both liars. And given we’re connected in this way, we’re not meant to have our happy ending.”
He pinched his lips together. After being lost in thought for a few moments, he spoke again. “That’s not true.”
“How do you know?” I asked, my tone icier than I’d intended it to be. The dude changed girls the way artists changed clothes during performances. I was surprised his honeymoon phase with Emberlynn had lasted for so long. “I went through so much to get rid of the past, and it was all for nothing.”
Justin drew in a breath. “You can’t get rid of the past. No matter what you do, you can’t erase what happened. But letting it stop you from getting what you want? That’s stupid.”
His words sat in the air for a few seconds, settling over us.Letting the past stop you from getting what you want is stupid.
“I don’t get it,” I said.
Justin shook his head. “You don’t back down from a challenge. You fought hard to leave the label, to start your own band, and even though that one led to disaster, you can start again. And if you’re worried about your identity getting out, you can hire a bodyguard to protect you or something. I know having privacy is a privilege, but living your life stressing about the what-ifs isn’t healthy. There’s a fine line between caution and insanity.”
“So, am I insane for worrying about how my life will end if Ruby Estrella or someone else babbles about my band?” I kept my voice low, so he knew I wasn’t mad at him. Well, I was still pissed off that he’dstalkedme, but I could forgive him later.
“You’re not insane. But you’re driving yourself there.” His eyes met mine, their green depths punching through me. “I don’t want you to give up on something you love when you still have a chance. Your vocals aren’t messed up, you aren’t locked up somewhere, and you’re healthy. Before you go back to anyone else—if you want to—get your crap together. You don’t have to be Gavin Hanville or whatever your stage name is. Just be your best.”
I soaked in his words, letting them absorb into my bones.Just be your best.
I needed to stop trying to be perfect and just let myself live, let myself love music and love others. Let myself . . . breathe.
After a few moments of silence, I put my hand on Justin’s arm. “Thank you. I’ll think about it. About everything.”
He raised an eyebrow. “Promise?”
I nodded.
His lips curved in a smile, and he wrapped me in a tight hug. We hadn’t hugged in years, but something about it felt like home. “Don’t let me down, Gavin Felix Hanville.”
“I told you to never say my middle name ever, Justin Henry Lockhart.”
“Felix.”
My eyes hurt from how high I rolled them.
He pulled out of the hug, still smiling. “Now, can I stay over for dinner? Chasing you worked up an appetite.”
After Justin left, for the first time since I’d left Charm Street, I opened YouTube and searched “Change Your Mind.” I clicked on the music video and watched through the entire thing. My wild hair and face of freckles made me physically cringe.
On the other hand, it was funny to see all of us when we were far from hot. Our wardrobe came from a circle of hell I’d never known existed, and I wasn’t even the worst-looking one in the video. Carter looked like he’d missed a church service with the vest he wore. Lucas, the baby of the group, looked almost lost with his huge eyes. Justin looked the best out of all of us, not a curl out of place, but even that couldn’t save his clashing outfit.
Hey, at least our lip-syncing was on point.
“I can’t change the past
I can’t change the time
But, baby, I can change your mind.
Life would be so perfect
If you were finally mine
Baby, let me change your mind.”
The lyrics were terrible, making me wonder how this had even become a hit in the first place. Our looks clearly weren’t show-stoppers.
