Page 61 of Next to Everything We Wanted
“I love that,” I said with a smile. “That reminds me of why we picked Somewhere in the Sky. The name represents everything good that hasn’t happened yet. I heard a song lyric once that saysthat we can’t tell the future, but that’s the beauty of the world we know.”
“I have that lyric in my sketchbook.” Sienna crossed one leg over the other. “So, how did you guys meet?”
I sucked in a breath. Despite being together for almost ten months, not many people had asked us that question. At least not in person, where we couldn’t pretend that we hadn’t seen the comment or DM.
“I’m sorry,” Sienna said, adjusting her posture. “Is that too personal?
Oh, you have no idea.
“No, it’s fine,” I assured her. “We met online in a private group.” Not exactly a lie. Forrest had brought us together online and made a private group chat. “We all lived around the Las Vegas area, so we met up in real life and hit it off well. Things just grew from there, and I ended up moving in with For—” I almost smacked myself in the forehead. “In a four-bedroom apartment with Everett and Nick. We use the spare bedroom as our band room.” I hoped she couldn’t smell the sweat from underneath my jacket. Why did I wear this in June? “We went from there.”
“That’s cool.” She smiled. “It’s interesting how a band name that seems so simple can have so much depth to it. I can tell from your songs that you guys have a lot of ambition and depth to yourselves.”
“We do.” I sighed. “And I love that people can finally see that about me.”
It took me a moment to realize why she raised her eyebrows at me, her expression almost blank. Usually, my first reaction would’ve been to pretend I hadn’t said anything or run away like a coward. Instead, I used it as an opportunity to show her more of who this Gavin she had kissed less than an hour ago really was.
I put my hand on my knees, looking up at the dark sky. “People used to see me as the guy who wasted his time, partied around, and tried to get too many girls on his lap.” I didn’t even want to see how much she was probably blushing right now. “I hated it. Nobody really knew me like they thought they did. EvenIdidn’t know me.”
My words floated around us like fireflies. I’d never admitted that to anyone who didn’t know my true story. Right here, I was in a vulnerable state, a state that usually choked me up.
But I could finally breathe this time.
Sienna finally spoke after a few moments. “I’m sorry you had to go through that.”
I waved a hand, like I was swatting a fly away and hadn’t lifted a huge weight off my chest. “At least it’s over now.”
“It still happened.”
“It’sover.”
Sienna seemed to pick up on the hostility in my voice, because she sighed and looked away. “I wonder if people I’m close to see me differently to how I actually am. I wonder what my mom saw in me that made her decide to leave.”
“I understand,” I said softly. “I wonder stuff like that too.”
She nodded, still not looking at me. This date had gone from awkward to friendly to more-than-friendly to awkward again.
This definitely hadn’t happened to Tori and Beck.
I leaned forward, sighing again. I wanted to talk about these things with someone, even if Sienna wasn’t the best option. “Celia wanted to go all the way, but I wasn’t ready.”
Sienna’s mouth dropped open, though she didn’t say anything.
“We got together months before we formed Somewhere in the Sky,” I continued, my palms sweating as I rested them on my legs again. “We understood each other on a level no one else matched. She understood the pain of people spreadingassumptions about you wherever you went.” I winced, hoping that I didn’t sound like a criminal. “The trauma I’ve been through, she’d been through a lot of it, too. Sheknewme . . . or at least I thought she did. She wanted more. She wanted all of me.”
Sienna gasped, lurching in her seat. “S-She wanted to have—” She blinked. “You guys never?—”
My cheeks were going to burst into flames. Yeah, this was notthe thing to talk about on a first date. “I told you I wasn’t the type of guy to have girls fall in my lap.”
“She was your girlfriend. For a year.” She held up her hands. “Not that not wanting to have sex means you didn’t love her.” She clamped a hand over her mouth. “I didn’t mean to say that?—”
A deep laugh escaped from my belly. “Holy crap, you should see your face.”
“I can only imagine.” Even in the dark, I could see her cheeks turn pink. “It’s been a hot minute since I said that word in front of a guy who isn’t my dad.”
“Not the best word for a first date. Or whatever we’re having right now. But, yeah, she really wanted to do it. And when I told her I wasn’t ready to . . .” I snorted. “There has to be a less uncomfortable word.”
“Intercourse?”
