Page 87 of Next to Everything We Wanted
“I’m the last person who knows about that stuff.” I laughed. “What was your favorite birthday?”
“Probably my tenth birthday. That’s when I got my dog, Dapper.” He tapped on his phone before showing me a picture. A younger boy with red hair and a freckled face smiled at me with his blue braces, holding a brown puppy.
My heart melted. “You’re both so adorable. I didn’t know you used to be a redhead.”
“I hated it. That and my freckles.” He ran a hand through his reddish-brown hair. “It took forever for everything to darken.”
I giggled. “I still like how they look on you.”
“Thank you.” His freckled cheeks grew pink. “What was your favorite birthday?”
I swallowed. “My tenth birthday, too.”
“What made it special for you?”
Pain wrapped around my chest. “It was my last birthday with my mom. Right before she left.”
He stopped eating as silence washed over the table. Instant regret filled me, but I waited for his response. Each beat felt like ten minutes before he spoke. “I’m sorry, Sienna.”
“It’s fine.” I took a sip of my root beer, though it didn’t taste as sweet anymore. “I never talk about her with anyone, though we were close at some point. She sang to me every night, sometimes in Spanish, and she loved to travel. I got my love of music from her. Once her parents died, she got overwhelmed with being a wife and a mom. She left without saying goodbye. My dad had to take care of everything.”
Gavin’s eyes went wide as his face fell. “That’s devastating. Especially since she never said goodbye.”
“That’s not the worst of it.” I sighed, unable to meet his gaze. “I found out she only had me to make my dad happy. She never wanted kids. She never wanted me.”
“I’m so sorry, Sienna. I’m not good at sympathizing with people, but you don’t deserve to be left like that.”
“Thank you.” I put my arms on the table, fighting the tears that pricked my eyes. “She sent me a letter back in April. Every time I try to read it, I freeze up and put it away. It feels like if I read the letter, it’ll be like letting her in again. She doesn’t deserve a second chance.”
“Second chances can be . . . tricky.” He took my hand, sending electricity across my arm. “You’re scared of opening yourself up because she’s hurt you before.”
“Have you taken a psychology course to get that wisdom?” It was meant as a joke, though it sounded more frustrated than lighthearted to my ears.
“No, but I have fifty shades of anxiety and depression disorders and have learned a lot about fear.”
I snorted, covering my mouth with my hand. “So, you’re introspective?”
“More of an overthinker.” He smiled and shrugged. “Eventually I’ll get things right, though it’s hard to accept that I won’t know everything about myself and the world around me.”
“Getting to know ourselves should be like getting to know other people. Ask ourselves questions, spend time with ourselves, take ourselves on expensive dates and go broke.”
“The last one is my favorite.”
I smiled. “If only I had the money for the same.”
The waiter came with our entree, and I picked up the conversation again after a few bites.
“I’ve always tried to be strong,” I told Gavin. “To put my defenses up and protect myself. Now all of that’s crumbling.”
“I used to be the same way,” he said. “I know someone else who’s like that, too.”
“I’d get along great with them.”
He laughed. “You’d never talk to me again if you knew who it was.”
“That flat-out answers the question.” I bit my lip, thinking about sharing the same insecurities and pain with Everett. The dude couldn’t even handle sharing the sameroomas me. “He apologized to me yesterday, by the way.” It was very short, and he’d only met my eyes for a few seconds, but it’d seemed sincere enough.
“Yeah, I saw. I wasn’t going to let him get away with whatever he did.”
