Page 4 of Witch's Exile
He cracked a small smile as he lowered a soft kiss to my lips.
"Then we're not leaving your side. Ever."
I resumed snuggling against him, burying my face in his shoulder in an attempt to shut out the world. I was exhausted, but couldn't sleep because of those damn dreams. I hated that they had this hold on my mind but in my weary state, I couldn't put up the right shield to get some peace.
After a few minutes of snuggling, Ash began pulling away and lifting himself out of bed. I whined and protested, clinging to his arm.
"Let's try walking through your shadows together today," he suggested, pulling free from me so he could put pants on. "We haven't done it in ages but it shouldn't be too difficult."
"I tried," I groaned. "I swear I searched through every shadow in my goddamn mind and found nothing on this."
"Because you have certain biases toward yourself and the information you're seeking," he explained. "If I'm with you, I might be able to see something that you've missed. Or at least see it differently than you." He buttoned and zipped his jeans, then leaned down to kiss my cheek. "Come on, love. I'll make you a cup of that nasty twig and leaf water you love so much."
Not even his jokes about tea could pull me out of my funk. When something attacked your mind, there was nowhere to escape to. My thoughts went around in a circle as I forced my body to move, using all my strength to put my feet on the floor and then search for clothing.
What if they can hear my thoughts and conversations with the guys? Do I have any privacy in my own head at all? How far does this dream-torture really go?I shook my head as I ran a hand through my unkempt, unwashed hair. There were no answers no matter what questions I asked.
When I finally made it downstairs, Ash already prepared my tea and was making coffee for himself. The smell of Earl Grey and bergamot filled my nose and lifted my mood just slightly.
"Thank you, angel," I said, taking a small sip. "Where's Sal?"
"Hunting," he replied. "The woods around here really seem to heighten his animal instincts. Hopefully he brings something for dinner."
I held the tea in my mouth for a moment before swallowing. "And Raum?"
Ash raised his eyes to me and lifted a shoulder in a shrug. "He's around. Probably spending most of his time as a bird."
I let out a sigh and shut my eyes as tears threatened to spill. "I miss him. I still feel like shit for that night."
"Don't." Ash reached across the counter for my hand. "He's just doing what you asked, which was to leave you alone. And if I may say," he wrapped his fingers around mine. "He deserved that ass-chewing you gave him."
"But I never got to tell him about the pregnancy." My hand drifted down to my stomach. Aside from being exhausted and depressed from the dream, I didn't feel any physically different. "I'm sure you guys told him, though."
"Nope." Ash shook his head. "We figured you should be the one to."
"Fuck, he probably already knew before all of us," I grumbled into my tea.
"His ability is very mysterious." Ash stroked his beard thoughtfully. "For as long as I've known him, I still don't fully understand it. I don't think even he does. It does torture him, though. He'd never outright say it but I know he's always seen it as more of a curse than a gift."
A pang of guilt hit me. "I know it used to hurt him. He got terrible migraines and never knew when a vision would come on. But he's never complained about it, ever."
Ash shrugged again. "He knows that won't do anything. He'd rather laugh it off and be an asshole." He took a sip of coffee. "Not to be an armchair psychologist but I think that attitude is how he copes with knowing so much. Forever is a long time to be depressed if you can see all the bad things that are going to happen. Might as well laugh and fall in love with the Mother of Witches."
"I don't want him to cope with that alone," I protested. "He acts like no one can shoulder that burden but him, but he doesn't have to! I'm his partner. You guys are his brothers. We all support each other. That's what I want him to understand."
Ash chuckled but didn't reply immediately.
"What's so funny?"
"My love, I adore and cherish you but the way you think is so damn human sometimes." He leaned across the counter and kissed my nose when I scowled. "Knowledge of the past? Well, we can learn from that. But knowledge of the future is always dangerous. Especially in the hands of someone who can die."
The realization, along with newly surfaced memories, hit me like a brick wall.
"You're right. And this is not the first time Raum and I have fought about this," I said.
Over the centuries we've argued, yelling in each others' faces about this same thing but neither of us ever backing down. Him knowing something that would hurt me but refusing to tell me ahead of time. Me feeling disrespected at his refusing to tell me. So on and so forth.
"Ash." I clamped my hand down on his wrist. "Was it wrong to make Raum a demon?"
My angel gave me a pointed look. "It's about two thousand years too late to be asking that, love."
"We're all about free will but I just realized we never gave him the choice," I choked. "He was a raven demonstrating human-like intelligence, so I asked Lucifer to make him mine. He was so perfect and charming as a human, it never occurred to me to ask if he wanted this life in the first place. Fuck! How could I be so selfish?”
"Hey, shush." Ash rounded the counter to pull me into a tight embrace. "Don't even think for a second he would give up an eternity loving you over a few short years as a damn bird."
"If the visions torture him that much, then maybe he would," I shot back. "I love him. I don't want him to be unhappy."
Ash squeezed me tighter and pressed a kiss to my forehead. "When he shows up again, you can ask him. But I'm certain I know what his answer will be." He gave me a light smack on my hip and gently pulled me toward the sliding door leading to the backyard. "Come on, love. You could use some sunlight."
