Page 45 of Witch's Betrayal
Epilogue
DEJA
The patio door slid open behind me but I kept my eyes on the stars.
Living in a busy city made me forget how vast and bright the celestial bodies were. Out here in the wilderness, the night sky looked dense and vivid enough for me to reach out and touch.
Were there angels up there, cursing and gnashing their perfect, pearly white teeth at my existence? Was the being who created me wishing he struck me with lightning sooner? It didn't feel right calling him-- or it-- a god anymore. My thousands of years of consciousness told me that gods changed faces and roles just as often as I changed bodies.
Raum came slowly up behind my lawn chair, his footsteps barely making any noise on the wooden deck. I ignored him, continuing to search the sky for a glimpse of a winged being. For once his presence felt awkward. The man with the silky smooth tongue didn't know what to say but he wanted my attention.
"I know you're angry at me," he began. His warm, velvety voice cut through the sharp evening air. "But I hope you understand why I couldn't tell you." A breath hitched in his chest. "I hate not being able to tell you things."
I let out a sigh, keeping my eyes trained on the giant balls of gas millions of light-years away. If I looked at him I would either fall into his arms or slap the shit out of him. It was safer to just not look at him and keep my distance.
"How much did you know?" I asked, fighting to keep my voice steady. "Juno? My grandmother? The fact that my coven would turn on me on a dime?"
A long silence passed between us.
"Yes, I saw all of that."
"Do you know if Seth is going to help or hurt us?"
"That I don't know," he answered. "For some reason, I never see him."
I closed my eyes and gripped the armrests of my lawn chair.
"No. I don't understand, Raum," I said through gritted teeth. "I don't understand how you claim to love me, yet allowed these people to hurt me. You have this gift and you don't share the knowledge with me to prepare myself for the inevitable. But you know what hurts the worst?"
I finally stood from my chair and faced him. My hands shook while he stood like a statue, his hands hanging limply at his sides. All the humor in his lips and eyes were gone.
"You met my mother and never told me," I said, my voice finally shaking. "You met her. Saw her, even spoke to her. You have a memory of her that I'll never have and you chose to keep that from me."
He listened silently and swallowed when I finished talking. One hand reached out to me but I stepped away, crossing my arms over my chest. His hand dropped and he looked like the saddest puppy I'd ever seen.
"You're right about that," he said, his voice barely above a whisper. "I should have shared with you that I met her. You deserve that and so much more. There was no reason to keep that from you and I'm sorry." He licked his lips and a flash of determination returned to his eyes. "But it's because I love you that I didn't tell you the other things. It's because I love you that I just can't, baby."
I shook my head, disappointment and despair rising to the point of nearly choking me.
"We could have gotten here sooner. I could've lived without seeing Juno terrified and trying to fight you off. This whole thing could have gone differently if we justknew, Raum."
"You wouldn't have discovered you can manipulate other elements besides earth," Raum fired back. "And really, would you have believed me if I told you Juno would rat on you? Would you have believed me if I said your grandmother was responsible for your mother's death?"
"Yes!" I yelled in his face, my voice echoing off the trees as my frustration exploded. "Because I know that you never lie! You couldn't even do it in a fucking two truths and a lie game!"
"So you want me to be the one that hurts you, huh?" he shouted back. "You want me to be the bad guy? Instead of the people who actually want to do you wrong, you want to hear it coming from me? Well, I'm sorry Deja, but I can't! I love you too fucking much to break your heart on a daily basis."
The urge to kiss him, to feel him fuck my pain away was still just as great as the urge to slap him. I shook like a leaf while my fists clenched at my sides. He gazed at my lips, clenching his own fists like he wanted to touch me again but knew better than to try.
"It has to be this way," he said softly. "I can own up to my mistakes when I'm wrong, but I can't apologize for refusing to be the one that hurts you." He cautiously drew closer, the smell of him intoxicating. "All I can do is love you and be what youdoneed to the best of my ability."
His face tilted as if preparing to kiss me but I pulled away again.
"What I need from you right now is to leave me alone."
With that, I pushed past him to go back inside. He didn't follow me in.
In the kitchen I found Sal sitting on the counter, eating cookie dough ice cream straight from the tub. He paused with the spoon halfway to his mouth and held it out to me as I approached. With a smile, I accepted and opened my mouth for the sweet treat.
