Page 38 of Powerless
Jandro's head whipped back to face me. "Wait for me in my tent."
I nodded, gathering up our dishes as I headed that way. I kind of figured he wouldn't let me sleep alone, but it was still nice to get that confirmation.
In his tent by a dim flashlight, I unfolded several blankets and laid them out next to his sleeping bag. I wasn't presumptuous enough to assume I'd be sleeping all cuddled upinthe bag with him. And anyway, I wasn't ready to do that with any other man besides Reaper.
God damn Reaper.
Lying alone in the silent tent with nothing to distract me, the pang of my heartache hit me hard. It was even worse than the night he kicked me out of his room.
I sucked in a shaky breath, willing myself not to cry. Jandro would be in here in a few minutes. He was already being so good to me, he didn't need to deal with this.
Reaper's final words to me seemed to cut physically through my brain matter and heart chambers. Did he really have someone else come to his room that night? Or did he say that just to hurt me? I still couldn't decide which was worse, not even when my thoughts circled like this that night, too.
When the first sob escaped, I slapped a hand over my mouth.No, he's not worth it. He's across the camp right now, probably jerking himself off to thoughts of someone else. Don't give him another ounce of your power.But once my body started its physical grieving practice, it was impossible to shut it off.
I curled up onto my side, turning away from the tent's entrance and brought the blanket up high over my shoulder. Hopefully Jandro would think I went straight to sleep and swiftly do the same.
My breath halted in my lungs as I heard him climb inside.
"You asleep, Mari?" he whispered.
I didn't answer, sealing my lips and breath inside myself.
I heard rustling as he took off his boots and settled into his sleeping bag. My heart nearly exploded when I felt his hand on my shoulder.
"You're holding your breath. What's wrong?"
All my air escaped in a shaking, sniffling wheeze. "H-how did you know?"
"Four sisters, remember? I shared a bedroom until I was fourteen. I know all the signs of a girl trying to cry silently." He scooted closer to my back, rubbing a hand up and down my arm. "Talk to me, Mari. I won't talk back if you don't want me to. I can just listen."
"It's nothing," I sniffed, wiping at my nose. "Sorry, don't worry about me."
"Too late for that. And it's not nothing." He scooted closer until I felt his chest brush against my back. Oh shit, he took his shirt off.
I struggled through my shaky breaths as he lay silently behind me, only his hand moving in a soothing motion up and down my arm.
"I'm just," I sniffed, "processing, I guess. Getting over him. I was starting to feel...too much. And I didn't want to get hurt. But I guess that happened anyway."
Jandro said nothing for a few moments, but his hand moved from my arm to make gentle strokes through my hair.
"You want to know a secret about Reaper? Something very few people know?"
"I dunno, Jandro."
"You can't breathe a word of it to anyone, not even him. But I think it's important for you to know."
"Um, okay."
"He's the most sensitive fucker I've ever met."
"What?" My laugh came out like a snort.
"He feels a lot for you, too, and I think that scaredhim. But what happens when he cares about someone is he takes shitsopersonally. Any perceived insult of his character will eat away at his soul. So he'll lash out in response to hurt the person who hurt him."
"Oh my God," I slapped a palm to my forehead. "That's exactly what I made him do. Both times."
"Don't beat yourself up, Mari. We've all taken the brunt of Reaper's temper before. He's been a lot more volatile ever since Daren died."
