Page 62 of Powerless
"Wait." My own heart now crashed erratically as I grabbed her shoulder again and turned her so she faced me. "Are you sayingShadowforced himself on you?"
"It all happened so fast," her lip wobbled. "I finished cleaning his wound and then he's holding me in his lap and pulling my pants down. I stopped it before anything actually happened, but then I..." Her eyes lifted to mine, wet with tears. "I didn't expect to feel like shit, but I—“
"Mari, was thereanythingyou could have said that made Shadow think you wanted to? He won't even be in the same room as a woman if he can help it, let alone fuck one against her will."
"I don't know." Two fat tears tracked down her cheeks. "I don't even know why I'm so upset. I was scared at first but now I feel like…I cheated on you—“
“You didn’t cheat on me,” I scoffed. “What we have is not some outdated bullshit like that.”Fuck.I bit my tongue too late.So much for understanding where she was coming from.
“Right.” She wiped her tears away forcefully. “That’s right, Reaper. I know you don’t do traditional relationships.”
“Don’t put words in my mouth, Mari,” I warned. “I haven’t told you what that means so don’t make assumptions about me.” Then in my best attempt at a gentler voice I added, “This is how we end up fighting, remember?”
“I’m sorry. I just…I’m so confused.” Her eyes were gigantic and pained as they met mine. Butshewasn’t pained, I realized. She thought she hurtme.
“Come here,” I pulled her toward my chest. “I’m not angry and I don’t blame you for this. I mean it, sugar. You haven’t done anything wrong by me.”
“How can you say that?” Her arms went around my neck. “I just slept with another man right after we agreed to work on us!”
“Mari, look at me.” I wrapped one arm around her back and held her chin in the other hand. “Do you still want to be with me?”
“Yes,” her breath fanned over my lips and I ached to kiss her. “Of course I do. But how can you—”
“That’s all that matters to me,” I told her. “You care enough to come straight here and tell me. You still want to be the woman at my side.” I dragged my thumb across the tear resting on her cheekbone. “You’re honest. You’re loyal. And you’re mine. There’s no reason for you to feel so guilty about this.”
“I do, anyway.” She let out a shuddering sigh. “I can’t believe I let it happen. I never want to be in that situation again.”
“Come here.” I pulled her in until her thighs wrapped around my waist and her arms encircled my shoulders.
My hands pressed up and down into her back in an effort to soothe her. I dropped kisses to her shoulder as she buried her face in my neck. All the while, I tried to rationally process what she told me. Why wasn’t Jandro with her? Shadow only had sex with whores. What made him think she wanted it, when the aftermath clearly showed she didn’t? And yet, it didn’t sound like he raped her.
I pressed a kiss to her ear before asking, “Did he hurt you?”
“No. He didn’t…doanything besides start it. It was all me. I guess that’s why I feel like shit.”
I waited a few moments before asking my next question.
“Did you enjoy it?”
She let out a soft gasp and jerked away from me like I hit her, her face crestfallen.
“I swear to God, Reaper. I don’t know where I stand with you. First you’re wiping my tears away, then you want to know sordid details like—”
“You want to know where you stand with me?” I pointed to the left side of my chest. “Right fucking here.”
Her mouth snapped shut as she swallowed, starting at where my finger pressed directly to my heart.
“Now you’re the medic, so correct me if I’m wrong,” I continued, “but this organ is not the same thing as my dick.”
She huffed out a soft laugh and a smile for the first time since entering the room. “No, you’re right.” Her eyes lifted up to mine and it looked like something clicked. “So what are you saying?”
“I’m saying sexual or even emotional monogamy is not a requirement for me in a partner. But,” I lifted a finger to stop her from saying anything else, “in the culture I grew up in, only women were privy to this. I had one mom and three dads, remember?”
“You mean your dads wereonlywith her and no one else?”
“Yeah. All three of them were completely devoted to her.” I stared blankly at the water’s surface as childhood memories filtered through my head.
“It never felt…I dunno, unfair?”
