Page 1 of Smoke and Mirrors
Prologue
Pacing back and forth in a cage is no way to live.
I could feel my muscles weakening, my mind going insane.
My rage went past the point of boiling over but there was nothing left for me to do behind these steel bars. I gnawed at them until the humans electrocuted me, then sedated me again. Once, I was one of the most powerful predators on earth but in here, I was powerless.
The best I could do was disfigure someone if they got close enough, but it had been five long years since I’ve felt the satisfaction of sinking my teeth into a weaker animal’s throat.
Every moment I was conscious, I fantasized about killing them all and claiming my victory, of taking ownership of my freedom to claim my mate who I’ve yet to meet. I felt her out there, despite having never seen her face. What would she think if she saw me like this? I needed to be more than a caged pet to win her heart.
If Mamma were still alive, I knew she’d be ashamed of me for not only the things I’ve done, but for feeling this way.
“Always practiceahimsa, my son,” she told me. “Even when we feed, we must not cause unnecessary harm. When the urge to destroy consumes you, that is whenahimsais most important.”
Well, I had certainly done minimal harm in my time here, although that was more out of circumstance than choice. I hadn’t ripped anyone’s throat out simply because I didn’t have the reach, nor the strength anymore. Maybe that displeased Lord Shiva but I’d been in captivity here for so long, I since gave up hope on having my prayers answered.
And so I paced back and forth like the swinging pendulum in a clock. I agitated the humans in hopes that one of them would finally put me out of my misery. When knocked out, I dreamed of my mate. I felt the comfort of her presence even though I have no idea who she is.
She’s the only shred of hope I had left.
1
MELODY
Ithought it was the heavy weight of despair in my chest as I woke up, but it turned out to be just Connor’s arm.
He snored softly next to me as I slid out from under him and stretched. My pointed toes and outstretched arms above my head touched the fake wood paneling before I could truly get a good stretch in. Such was the reality of living in a trailer.
Sure, having an actual house sounded nice but to be honest, I had no idea what that was like. I spent my whole life in a trailer, so traveling in one as a carnival performer wasn’t much of an adjustment at all.
I shifted to a diagonal angle, stretching my legs over Connor’s hips to maximize my stretch before relaxing. With a yawn and rub of my eyes, I tried to recall last night’s dream.
They were different every night now and only growing more vivid. Sometimes I was running on four paws, howling at the moon. Other times I was in the dark, eerie silence of the ocean, using echolocation to navigate my way around. Sometimes I flew across cities and the most breathtaking natural landscapes. I could never see exactly what I was. All I knew while flying was that I was bigger than a bird. I wondered if Razvan experienced the same views.
No, don’t think about Razvan,I scolded myself harshly.
It pained me to not think fondly of the tattooed, enigmatic dragon shifter. I thought I could read people, but he fooled me so well. I couldn’t help but see the good in everyone, and I thought I saw a side of him he didn’t reveal to anyone else. I even thought a unique connection sparked between us.
But he proved to be exactly the man I initially perceived him to be— an expert game player and heartbreaker. He kissed me onstage in front of everyone while his girlfriend watched from backstage. Connor saw it too but genuinely didn’t seem to mind. If anything, he encouraged me to talk to Raz again. But that deliberate deception was not something I wanted in my life, especially if I was going to entertain the idea of dating multiple men.
Last night’s dream was different, though. I was caged in a different carnival, an especially bad one where the staff did little to hide their exploitation of animals. I could smell fear, death, and despair through my heightened senses. Power, strength and incomprehensible anger flowed through me but I had no outlet to express it. All I could do was pace back and forth in a small cage.
I never felt such bleak hopelessness like that before. Not even back home in my shitty trailer park life before joining the carnival. When Connor and I saw how Hunter was mistreated back in Drowningville, I thought nothing could top that kind of sorrow. When Razvan told me he was sold into a circus by his own family, that opened the fresh wound all over again.
But that was nothing like this. This dream no longer made me an outside observer. I felt it. Iknewwhat it was like to be caged, tortured, and forced to entertain. It consumed me so much, I didn’t even notice when Connor stirred next to me until he pulled me back into his embrace.
“Mornin’, babe,” he drawled, kissing my neck lazily.
“Mornin’, handsome.” What was it about mornings that made us sound extra southern?
I snuggled into his heat, his warmth and protection. All I wanted to do was shake off the all-consuming sadness and despair of that dream and soak into how good he made me feel.
“How’re you feeling today?” I kissed the hollow of his throat.
“Sore,” he groaned. “So fuckin’ glad we’re not onstage today.”
I hesitated before saying what was on my mind. “You should probably stay off your prosthetics today.”
