Page 17 of Smoke and Mirrors
“Where will you go after that?” I asked, fearing the answer.
He lifted one shoulder in a lazy shrug, running one affectionate finger from my jaw to my neck.
“I’ll go anywhere I’m wanted.”
9
MELODY
Ididn’t sleep a wink.
Connor snored softly next to me, having already passed out when Hunter and I finally parted for the night. The bottles of Vicodin and Jack Daniels next to the bed made my stomach drop when I walked in. He’d been trying to numb some kind of pain while I was away—whether in his legs, heart, or mind, I wouldn’t find out until the next morning.
I held my lucky coin—my apparent source of power— above my head, alternating between turning it over between my fingers and closing my fist around it. How many times in my life had I looked at this thing, with its silver outer edge and gold inlay? With my newfound discovery, the crossed daggers stamped on both sides reminded me of grinning teeth.
A magician gave it to me at my first carnival, when I couldn’t have been older than eight. He pulled it out from behind my ear then placed it in my palm, closing my fingers around it with a white-gloved hand. As the only thing ever freely given to me, I treasured it ever since then.
In the darkness of Connor’s trailer, I closed my fingers around it just as the magician did and held it to my chest. Closing my eyes, I searched hard for a clearer memory of the man who gave it to me. Did he say anything to me? Did I ever get a good look at his face?
And what confused me the most, why did he choose to pass on his shamanic gifts tome?
My memory of that moment was fuzzy at best. I was distracted because of my mom stumbling around drunk and causing a scene. We may have gotten kicked out but I wasn’t sure.
I let out a sigh, releasing the coin from my fingers and let it rest on my chest. It felt warm on my skin, most likely from me holding it so much. All my life it had been the one object that held any value to me, the one thing that was mine and no one else’s. It gave me comfort, strength, and confidence from dealing with my mom’s drunken rages to strutting across a stage as ringmistress.
But it never feltmagical. I certainly didn’t notice anything different when I turned eighteen. I slept with it under my pillow the night before my birthday and slipped it in my pocket when I woke up before anyone else. Then when I walked away from that so-called home for the last time, I ran my fingers across those stamped daggers and found the courage to never look back.
I remembered Thembi’s forked tongue flicking between her teeth. What did she say?“Of course you’re human, girl! But ya can give theillusionthat you’re not.”
Okay, what is the point of that?I wondered. I had to talk to her again, hopefully before our show tomorrow if I had time.
I held my hands up in front of my face, only their outline visible in the darkness. In my mind, I pictured them turning into paws with white fur and black nails, just like Hunter’s. I stared at them until my arm muscles fatigued, then slapped them down to my sides with a heavy sigh.
How could I feel like anythingbutcompletely human when that was all I ever was?
I never truly felt the rush of a kill or the ground underneath my paws as Hunter did, nor fire in my lungs and the sensations of taking flight like Razvan. Only in my dreams.
My mind settled into the one I had last night, some sort of caged predator that felt completely different from a wolf. This animal washuge, and felt powerful enough to kill a wolf with one swipe of its paw. But all it could do was pace back and forth, slowly going mad.
The humans walking by looked so smug, but I could smell their fear underneath. They had to keep me sedated round the clock just to feel safe enough, even after sticking me in this tiny cage. Gutless cowards with their tranquilizer guns and soft pink skin. One day they would pay, and they looked so damn delicious…
“Holy shit! What the— Mel?!”
Connor startled awake so quickly, it jolted me out of the state I was in. He sat up in a flash and scooted across the bed away from me, as if afraid for his life.
“Babe, is that you?”
“Yeah.” I blinked at him in the darkness. “You okay, Con?”
“I heard a noise and I felt… something.” He shook his head, breathing deeply. “Must’ve been dreaming, butfuck…”
I scooted across the bed to him and leaned my head against his heart, which pounded like a drum against my cheek. His skin was hot but a cold sweat covered him in moisture.
“What did you hear?” I kissed under his chin, curling my legs up and snuggling against him.
“It sounded like,” he rubbed his forehead, “an animal growling. A bear or something huge like that. I swear it was so loud like it was right on top of me. For a second, I thought I was going to be eaten alive.” He let out a long exhale as his arms wrapped around me. “I had a bit of a rough evening, as you can see.” He nodded toward the pain pills and whiskey.
I peered up at him. “Your legs? Or flashbacks?”
