Page 18 of Smoke and Mirrors
“Both,” he mumbled ashamedly, looking away. “But I’ve never felt like an animal was about to maul me to death and eat me before.” He forced a chuckle. “I think I’m finally losing it, babe.”
“Stop,” I cupped his cheek to make him look at me. “That wasn’t you. I’m… pretty sure it was me.”
Even in the darkness, I saw his forest green eyes narrow in confusion and gave him a quick rundown of our encounter with Thembi and my latest dream.
“A shaman?” he repeated. “You mean like the old Native American medicine man type of people?”
“I don’t know, maybe?” I threw my hands up. “And these powers came to me on my eighteenth birthday, from a coin I’ve carried with me everywhere. I thinkI’mthe one losing it, Con.”
“You’re definitely not losing it before me,” he chuckled with a kiss to my forehead. “Itkind ofmakes sense.” His fingers caressed up and down my arms as he pondered on it. “You can’t shift but you can channel the shifters, sorta. Like you were just thinking of this caged animal from your dream and suddenly I feel like I need to get the fuck away or I’m dead.”
“That growl you heard,” my fingers worked into the stiff knots in his shoulders, “I don’t remember making it but I felt so angry and powerful, like I just wanted to kill something because it was what my instincts told me to do. I felt that just now in myownbody.”
“And I nearly pissed myself in fear while in bed with a gorgeous woman.That’snever happened to me before.”
He laughed when I smacked his chest in mock anger but turned serious when he caught me staring at the pills and alcohol again.
“Please don’t tell me you self-medicate like this often,” I whispered, leaning my head on his shoulder.
“No, babe. I promise.” He squeezed me tighter, pressing a kiss to my neck. “I just had an especially rough day today. It won’t happen again.”
“Any particular reason why?” I turned my head to rest my opposite cheek and found his lips hovering over my eyelids in the dark.
“Nothing important.”
“Connor.”
“Honestly, babe. It was stupid of me. I just… didn’t want to deal with feeling shit from the past. But I swear to you,” he cupped my nape and kissed me with so much passion it left me breathless, “I’m over it. I’m not doing that shit again.”
My gaze fluttered away from his, still feeling uneasy. “If you were feeling like that, I should have stayed with you. I shouldn’t be out with another guy while you’re struggling.”
“Wrong,” he said with a playful tap on my nose. “This ispreciselywhy you should have someone like Hunter to spend time with. You shouldn’t have to be burdened with my issues, babe. It’s my shit to sort through, not yours.”
“But I love you,” I protested, nipping his lower lip. “And I want to be here for you when you’re going through tough times. You shouldn’t have to deal with that stuff alone.”
“And I love you, babe. So much,” he murmured, returning my kiss with a small, affectionate bite. “You help me in ways I can’t even begin to explain. And you deserve better than to wade through the dark side of my mental illness. I’m not exaggerating. It’s best that you don’t see that side of me.”
“You,” I stabbed my index finger into his chest, “don’t decide what I deserve, Connor.Ido. And I’m going to prove to you that I’m with you through thick and thin. Even if Hunter and I get together, I’m not gonna run to him every time you have a flashback. I’m staying by your side and helping you get through it because that’s what love means to me.”
I felt like a cup of water running over. The depths of what I felt for him rose to the surface and spilled over with no valve to shut it off. He opened his mouth to speak and I raised a hand to cut him off, because there was no stopping this overflow.
“And I amnot,” I shuddered in a breath, “going to call 911 because someone I love overdosed on pain pills and alcoholagain. I did that for my mom, my sister, even random men at our house because I was terrified they would die, and I’mdone, Connor. I’m not letting it happen anymore.”
He stared at me for a few moments, his expression unreadable, then said nothing as he shoved me away from him and scooted across the bed. Away from me.
I watched, hurt at first, then stunned as he grabbed both the pills and the whiskey off the shelf. With both bottles in one hand, he slid open the window with the other and chucked both items outside. A second later, I heard the distinct sound of glass shattering.
“Never again,” he said gruffly, returning to me and sliding his hands around my waist. “Because that’s what love means to me.”
I jumped into his arms at the same time he pulled me forward. Our lips and tongues crashed together in a frantic dance to seal the promises we just made. Holding me tight against his chest, he turned to lay me down on my back. His mouth never broke from mine as he hovered above me, settling his weight on his forearms, and then between my legs.
My moans silenced by his tongue, I yanked my tank top up over my breasts before wrapping my arms around his wide, muscular back to pull him down to me. It wasn’t enough just to kiss him or even feel him inside me. I wanted his skin married to mine.
“Oh, babe,” he groaned, kissing a hot trail down my neck as his heart beat against mine. He helped peel my top off my arms as my thighs wrapped around his hips and shimmied his boxers down his thighs.
His hips rolled against mine, bringing his cock to full hardness as he teased my vulva with it. Every thrust of his shaft against my clit sent me gasping, digging my nails into his back as the ache inside me grew hungrier.
“Condoms,” I murmured when he paused to kiss my nipples.
