Page 39 of Smoke and Mirrors
“He’s fine,” Connor sighed. “You can leave us.”
Her head snapped back to look at him and he nodded, urging her to go. She promptly unrolled the cuff from around his forearm and walked wide around me to leave the room.
“Well?” I prompted when we were alone.
“Because I couldn’t get that stupid bitch out of here fast enough,” he groaned, rubbing his hands down his face.
“Who’s the stupid bitch?” I growled, remembering the way she looked at Mel before getting in the elevator.
“My ex,” he sighed. “She wouldn’t leave until I called nurses to get her the hell out. In that time, she called Mel trailer trash.”
“Oh, no.” I rubbed the back of my neck, knowing how sensitive Mel was about her past. “Fuck, Connor. Why was she here?”
“Apparently out of concern,” he scoffed with an eye roll. “The hospital called her because she was my emergency contact. But I dunno, I think she was hoping to get money or some shit. Which I have none of.”
I nodded. So a misunderstanding, then. Mel saw her in here and probably thought the worst. I couldn’t blame her, and it definitely didn’t minimize her hurt.
“Raz is with her?” Connor asked.
“Yeah.”
“Good,” Connor sighed, leaning back onto his pillows. “She needs you guys right now more than me.”
“Con, it’s not that big a deal,” I sighed. “Yeah, she’s hurt right now and we’re here for her. But when she calms down and we explain, I’m sure she’ll understand. You didn’t want your ex to be here. I’m sure she knows that.”
“Nah, you don’t get it, Hunter,” he shook his head. “Shit like this is why she needs you two. There is so much I can’t control. This hospital visit is going to cripple me, pun not intended.” He flashed a smirk before continuing. “I’ll have to sell the RV just to pay for them checking my damn blood pressure. And the rest of this is going to be hanging over me for the rest of my life. I can’t be a good partner to her if I can’t even provide a roof over her head.”
“Con, dude,” I held up a hand. “There’s no need to catastrophize this. Yeah, hospital bills suck ass but Mel needs you too. We all stayed at Raz’s last night. He’s got plenty of room, I’m sure he’ll take you in, too. We’ll figure all that shit out.”
“It’s not just that, bro,” Connor gave me a sad smile. “It’s the PTSD. It’s the bill collectors that are going to chase me forever. It’s the fact that I’m going to be an ever bigger asshole to her now from being in constant pain because I can’t get new legs that fit right. She deserves better.”
“Con,” I said after a long, uncomfortable silence. “She loves you, dude.”
“And I love her. More than fucking anything. That’s why I need to let her go.” He laughed humorlessly. “God, I wish I met her first. I wish I put a ring on her finger, not Vicky’s. Then we might have had a real shot at something.”
I cleared my throat. “But she would have been like, fourteen right?”
Connor looked at me, then burst out laughing. “Yeah, you’re right. It never would have worked. She made me happy for a brief moment in time, but it was never supposed to work.”
“Connor, come on,” I urged. “She willnevergive up on you, so why are you giving up on her? Fuck everything you can’t control, just work on what you can. The four of us will look after each other, no matter what. Well six, if you include the kids.”
“I can’t risk it,” he shook his head. “What if I get a flashback that’s so bad and vivid, I hurt her? Or one of the kids? I’ve shot guns through walls before, Hunter, thinking I was backthere. My nerve pain is only going to make it worse.” He looked away, still shaking his head. “No, I can’t risk hurting her or anyone for that matter. I won’t abuse the ones I love.”
“Con,” I choked out. “What exactly are you saying?”
“I’m saying,” he growled. “Take your family. Take Mel and Raz, and move on. Leave me here and forget I exist.”
19
MELODY
Raz or Hunter, usually both of them, held me every moment since running out of that hospital room. My face physically ached from crying so hard. My head pounded relentlessly, but their gentle caresses over my hair soothed me at least a little.
And then I thought ofhersitting on the edge of Connor’s bed like they had never been apart at all, and the tears flowed freely again. I was so wrapped up in my heart breaking, I barely noticed the guys leading me out of the hospital and back to the truck. Rinna crawled into my lap and wiped my tears away. I hugged her tight, grateful for her but didn’t want to burden her with my pain.
The next thing I knew, someone carried me from the truck. Lips kissed my forehead and I just clung to this person’s shirt and sobbed. The tattoos on the chest and neck told me it was Raz but my brain seemed unable to form coherent thoughts. All I could picture wasthemtogether in an endless, unforgiving loop.
I was laid down in a bed, offered water and tissues, then wrapped up snugly in blankets. All of these occurrences seemed to happen across a barrier, like I was in some kind of bubble disconnected from it all.
