Page 13 of Fearless
“You mean this is you being romantic.” She lowered onto the blanket next to me and leaned over to plant a kiss on my lips. “Thank you, handsome. I love this.”
That was partially true. I wanted to show her I wasn’t just a brute who liked fucking and violence. Warmth filled my chest as I returned her kiss, holding the back of her head to keep her there for more. I was happy she was pleased. I always wanted to show her the canyon, but I had to give Noelle credit for the picnic idea.
The other part however, was that I wanted to ease her in to what I was about to show her. The view wasn’t going to be nearly as nice as this. For me it might be downright unsettling, as difficult as it was to admit that.
“I love you,” I murmured, finally releasing her so she could nibble and drink. “I would have brought glasses, but didn’t want to risk broken glass in the saddlebags,” I explained as she took a pull of wine straight from the bottle.
“Oh no. How will we ever survive?” she chuckled before passing the bottle to me. “This is perfect, and I love you too.”
Her kiss landed on my cheekbone as I took small sips. I didn’t like to drink a ton while riding, less so with a passenger I actually gave a fuck about, so I drank just enough to take the edge off.
“Something on your mind?” Mari asked, laying down with her head in my lap once she had her fill of food. “You seem a little distracted.”
“Python,” I answered, stroking her long, silky hair. On top of everything else, that certainly was one of the things occupying my mind.
“What about him?”
I took a few moments to think before answering. “I’ve executed and tortured men before. It’s nothing to me at this point. But I always knew they were the enemy from the start. It just felt right to feel them die by my hands, like the natural order of things. With him…I know it must be done, but it doesn’t feel right.”
“Because you trusted him before?”
“Yeah.” I stroked my fingers along her neck and shoulders. “He rode by my side. Proudly got the demon tattooed on him. He swore his life and loyalty to me and the club. Shit, I was happy he started fucking Heather ‘cause then she left me alone.”
Dappled sunlight through the tree made shifting patterns of light and shadow on Mari’s face. Once again, I was awed at how naturally beautiful she was compared to the trash I’d woken up next to before.
“Are you worried you won’t be able to do it?” She ran her hands up my forearms.
“No, I will. I’m just not sure how I’ll be affected afterward.” My fingers curled around hers, feeling the small, fragile bones in her hands compared to my heavy mitts. “I’ve never killed someone I considered a friend before.”
She lifted her head from my lap, scooting over my legs to lean her head on my shoulder.
“And you have to do this? You can’t just banish him?”
“Our code is very clearly spelled out. It was drafted by me, Jandro, and Gunner. If I go against something I helped make into law, that would put the whole club in turmoil. My leadership would be questioned, and rightly so.” I cupped the back of her neck as my lips brushed across her forehead. “I might as well hand over the club to General Tash at that point. A club that’s not unified and doesn’t trust its president is already dust in the wind.”
Her arms went around my neck with a deep sigh. “You carry so much on your shoulders for these people, and I don’t think they even know half of it.”
“It’s better that way,” I assured her. “They deserve a relatively secure life. Not everyone can handle this shit. I can.”
“Trauma and heavy mental loads affect even the strongest of men,” Mari said. “Just look at Shadow.”
“Funny you say that,” I chuckled. “He’d be able to end Python quickly, without a second thought. But every time you say good morning to him, he looks like he’s gonna shit his pants.”
“He’s getting better.” She drummed her fingers on my neck. “But he can’t do this for you, huh?”
“No. It has to be me.”
Her hands pressed to my cheeks, making me face her. “You know I’m here for you, right?”
I looked at my woman, wrapping tighter around her. I knew she was, and I’d never let her go. She had too much of what little remained of my heart for me to do that.
“You don’t have to be the Steel Demons president with me,” she whispered, thumb tracing my jaw. “You can just be Rory. And I’ll be here no matter what.”
She leaned in to press kisses to my neck, each pass of those soft lips a loving, sweet promise. But were they promises she could keep?
My eyes lifted to look over her shoulder at the dog watching us with more wisdom that any animal should have. How would Mari react if she knew I was just the instrument? I didn’t choose who I killed, but followed the orders of someone else.
I didn’t hear them often but when I did, it was unmistakable. I heard the same words when I learned Tom had been abusing Mari’s friend in Old Phoenix, and when Gunner dragged Python’s ass to me. I didn’t know if my goofy, protective dog was saying them. Even that seemed far-fetched to me. But I never heard voices in my head until I found Hades. And it was always a variation of the same sentence.
