Page 75 of Fearless
His lips twitched in what could've been the start of a smile. "Thank you." He jerked his gaze away from me abruptly and returned to standing. "I'll let you rest now. Just let me know when you're ready."
I nodded, watching as he retreated to his area of the house. "I will. Goodnight, Shadow."
"Goodnight, Mariposa."
It took nearlya half hour of convincing Jandro to let me stop by Gunner's house. I ate my weight in tortilla soup, demonstrated that I could walk just fine, and reminded him that double guards were posted around the perimeter that night. He begrudgingly accepted after I promised him I'd have just a quick chat with Gunner and come right back. I probably could have talked to him the next day, but my damned heart wouldn't let me wait that long.
And yet I found myself at his front door, just staring at the painted wood for minutes. My heartbeat wouldn't slow the hell down and one deep breath didn't feel like enough. Neither did five or ten.
Come on, Wilder. Time to be fearless.I raised my fist and knocked before the next thought could talk me out of it.
Of course, Gunner had to answer the door looking so damn delicious in sweatpants and an unzipped hoodie with no shirt on underneath. His hair was freshly washed--still wet in some parts, fluffy and soft in others.
"Hey, Gun." Everything I wanted to say evaporated from my brain like a puddle on the street.
He pushed his sleeves up to his elbows, regarding me with a curious look. "Hey."
Nothey, Mari. Nothey, baby girl.Just hey.
"I, um." I fiddled with the sleeves of Jandro's sweater I borrowed. "Just wanted to see how you were doing."
"Probably about as well as you." He crossed his forearms, leaning against the door-jam like waiting for the real reason I came over.
I didn't miss the fact that he didn't invite me in. The fortress that had shut me out, that laid down its defenses when I got captured and kept me safe, was slowly closing itself off to me again.
And I’d had enough.
I'd scale those walls he was trying to put back in place. I'd take a battering ram to the doors that guarded his heart, whatever I needed to do. I got through to one man who hated being vulnerable, I could do it again. There was no undoing what had already been done.
As the silence dragged on between us, Gunner sighed and returned a hand to the doorknob.
"Well, thanks for checking on me—“
"We're not doing this again, Gunner Youngblood."
He froze, staring at me bewildered. "Doing wha—“
"This. You, shutting me out. Ignoring me. Ignoring everything we did and what was said today. I've tried to be patient with you, but I'm not playing this game anymore. If you want this to happen, justtry." I sucked in a breath, realizing I hardly breathed at all as the words finally poured out of me. "Don't kill this before it has a chance to start."
His eyes were glued to the floor as I went on my tirade. When he looked up, I saw nothing but aching sincerity.
"You're right. About everything," he said almost too softly for me to hear. "I got the stupid idea to distance myself from you to save us both from pain. Even when Reaper and Jandro tried to talk sense into me, I was too fucking stubborn to change my behavior. I'm sorry, baby girl. I'm an idiot and I never wanted to hurt you."
Silence wrapped around us again. I was honestly floored by the sincerity of his apology. But the hurt he spoke of was still fresh.
"Okay. Well, that's a start," I mused.
He gripped the edges of his door frame as if stopping himself from reaching out to touch me.
"For what it's worth, I meant every word I said to you in that cave. To this very second, everything I said remains true. It's just..." He ran a hand through his hair, fluffing up the golden locks as he trailed off.
"The sharing aspect," I filled in for him.
"Yeah," he sighed. "That."
My mind raced with assurances to tell him, although nothing felt quite right enough to reach my mouth. They all sounded like excuses, really. Sneaky methods to coerce him into this situation he wasn't thrilled about. And the last thing I wanted to do was drag him into an arrangement if he really didn't want to be there. The truth of the matter was, what Reaper, Jandro, and I had wasn't for everyone. And it was entirely possible and fair that such a relationship was just not right for Gunner.
No matter how badly I wanted it to be.
