Page 10 of Painless
Quit kidding yourself, Rory. You chickened the fuck out.
The conversation in my head on the way to the clubhouse was an odd mix of tearing into myself for being a little bitch and psyching myself up for my next chance.
I almost gave Mari the ring this morning. Seeing Jandro’s butterfly pendant around her neck reminded me of it every time. He was coming over tonight, so I couldn’t do it then. I wanted the moment private, between just us.
I couldn’t pinpoint why I was taking so fucking long to give it to her. I had the thing made at the market two weeks ago. Sure, scouting around for whoever was spying on us kept me busy, but that was just an excuse. I knew she’d probably like it, even love it. Not just the ring itself, but what it symbolized.
Years before the Collapse, men gave rings to their women as a sign of commitment. A symbol of his devotion to her, his willingness to stay by her side through thick and thin. An engagement, it was called. And it was not something taken lightly. Along with offering the ring, the man would ask for marriage—the same commitment from his woman in return. By the time a relationship reached that point, a ‘yes’ was usually expected. But there was always a chance she could say no.
Marriage didn’t exist anymore, not in the legal sense. But people still held ceremonies and gave each other tokens of commitment. Mariposa was already mine in body, heart, and soul. The chances were low, maybe even non-existent, that she’d refuse my ring.
But that tiny, minuscule chance that she could, was enough to hold me back.
“President.”
The mumbled greetings of my men drew me out of my own head, for the time being, and back to the matter at hand.
“By all means.” I dropped into my chair at the head of the table, Hades sitting at my right side. “Don’t leave me in suspense.”
“Horus saw footprints and evidence of a campfire in a little valley in this mountain range.” Gunner unfolded a map on the table and pointed at a spot roughly three miles away. “However, we can’t scale that elevation on our current rides. The terrain is far too steep and wild, even for dirt bikes. We need Jeeps, ATVs, or some shit, to get up there. I’m willing to buy them if you think it’s necessary, but those kinds of vehicles are costly.”
“Anything else?” I looked up, Gunner and Horus both meeting my gaze. It didn’t matter that Horus was a bird, those eyes with binocular vision were unsettling.
“No other signs of people in the area for twenty miles in every direction, boss.”
I steepled my fingers in front of me, taking in this information.
“Everyone out.” I swept my arm over the table. “Except Gunner.”
He wasted no time in elaborating the moment the door closed. Most people assumed Gunner trained his falcon. They didn’t all need to know he literallysawthrough Horus. I needed to hear him speak freely, without anyone getting weirded out at how he was able to know these things.
“The campfire was old, just a circle of rocks with barely any ash left,” he explained. “It could have been set up and abandoned that same day Shadow shot down the drone.”
“And there’s literally nothing else?” I repeated, not wanting to believe it.
He shook his head. “The footprints disappeared halfway down the mountain. Too much time has passed with all the wind and sand around here. Honestly, I saw all there was to see. It’s not worth getting off-road vehicles just for this, in my opinion.”
“No tire tracks? No personal belongings left at the campsite?”
“Reaper,” Gunner sighed. “You know I’m nothing, if not thorough. There was nothing there.”
“So what the fuck am I supposed to do now?” I brought a fist down on the table. “We never should have gone to that stupid fucking market, least of all because of what happened to you and Mari.”
“A little too late for that now, Pres.” Gunner stood from his seat and leaned against the table. “I’m working on building up our arsenal. We’re decently armed now, but I’m making sure we build up to where we were when we were supplying Tash. I’m also keeping double guards posted on the perimeter. If some asshole so much as throws a rock at us, we’ll know.”
“I’m tired of fucking sitting around and waiting for him to come to us.” My fists closed, causing my fingernails to bite into my palms. “I want to hit him where it hurts. Sitting around and getting too comfortable was how he was able to infiltrate us in the first place.”
“We need intel and allies for that,” he reminded me. “I’m working on that aspect too.” He reached up to stroke one of Horus’s wings. “It’s just hard to know who we can trust.”
Hades stuck his nose in my lap and licked my arm. I unclenched one fist to pet him, the rage already simmering down to a manageable level—for now. I just hated feeling like I always had to look over my shoulder, and expect to see Tash’s smug grin looking back. This whole drone thing was even making me lose sleep.
“Anything else?” I sighed, eager for my woman, a fat cigar, and three fingers of whiskey, in that order.
“Uh, yeah. Kinda.” Gunner suddenly looked nervous. “Nothing to do with this, though.”
I peered at him curiously. “What, then?”
“I was thinking of taking Mari out to the coast. Since you showed her where you’re from and all, I just…” He trailed off, lifting one shoulder into a shrug. “I kinda wanted to do the same. Spend some time with her, get to know her a little better.”
