Page 14 of Painless
...fucking forgot what I was going to say. Again.
I wanted to slam my fist into my forehead at how stupid I was. Why was this so fucking hard for me? I even practiced what to say, which I was certain nobody else did. Just having a mundane fucking conversation came so naturally to everyone, except me.
"Did the sleep aids work for you?" Mariposa's eyes fell to the plastic orange pill bottle I’d started crushing in my fist.
Fucking idiot.
"Um, yes. Sorry about that." I placed the now-dented plastic container on the counter. "You said to come see you if they worked."
“Yes, I’m glad to hear they were successful.” She paid no mind to the ruined bottle. "So would you like to continue taking them?"
"Yes, if you would, um, advise that."
"If they're helping you, then certainly." She flashed me another smile before turning to open a set of cabinets. "So, no nightmares, then?"
"No." An aching breath escaped my chest. I felt a bit less like an idiot when she wasn't looking at me. "None during the nights I took them."
She nodded, still examining the various medications in the cabinet. "How’s the quality of your sleep? Are you sleeping solidly through the night, or are you waking up frequently?"
"Pretty solid through the night." Much like last time I was here, the anxiety began to subside as we talked more and I got used to her presence. "The last three nights I, um..."
She looked over at me and the tightness in my chest nearly choked off my breath. "Yes?"
I forced the words out through the fear gripping me. "I didn't drink before bed. I didn't use alcohol to pass out at all. I just...fell asleep naturally."
Her expression morphed into one that had never once been aimed at me.
"Shadow, that's great!" She moved toward me with her hands extended, and now the fear running through me was of her touching me.
"It is?" I stepped back to put more space between us.
Donotlet her touch you. Reaper and Jandro will never forgive you.
"Yes!" She stopped abruptly, dropping her hands to her sides with a sheepish smile. "Sorry, I just got excited for you. The drinking concerns me, honestly. I wanted to tackle that as a separate issue when you were ready. But it looks like you're curbing it on your own, which is fantastic to hear."
"It concerns you?" I stared at her, bewildered. "Why?"
"Because at the rate you were going, it could kill you, Shadow."
"You're...concernedabout me dying?"
"Of course I am!" She said it like she never considered an alternative. "I'm the club medic. I’m responsible for keeping all of the Steel Demons alive and healthy. Besides, who would I say good morning to if you died?"
"You can say good morning to anyone," I pointed out.
She smiled and my chest tightened again, but it didn't feel like anxiety this time.
"I like saying it to you, though."
Why?
The statement was so utterly confusing to me. She knew how much I struggled with the most basic interactions. What possible enjoyment could she get out of talking tome, of all people?
Before I could ask the question rattling around in my head, a small black blur zipped through the office door. It slid across the smooth tiled floor and crashed head first into the lower cabinets.
"Freyja!" Mariposa bent to pick the thing up and placed it on the countertop. "You crazy kitten."
It was indeed a small cat, covered in dense black fur with green eyes. The kitten didn't appear to be hurt, as it immediately bounced across the counter to where Mariposa was sorting medications.
