Page 56 of Painless
The confusion and anxiety about this close contact made my chest ache, even though I liked feeling the weight of her head on me. I liked the delicate scent of her hair and seeing her smile up close.
"Yeah, I think I'm good."
She lifted her head, but kept her hand on my arm. I closed my hand around her elbow to steady her as we rose from the floor together. And then, all contact was gone. The few feet of distance between us felt like a barrier that I dared not penetrate.
"I'd really appreciate you not telling anyone about my little spill." Her face flushed red, the embarrassed smile lingering.
"What little spill?"
The joke worked and she laughed, the pretty sound filling up the empty space in the house. I felt it almost like fingertips over my skin. I didn't say it out loud, but I'd also never breathe word of her head on my shoulder, her hand bracing against my bicep. Maybe it was wrong, but I wanted to keep those small moments of touch to myself. Just like how I selfishly recalled the feelings of her hands on my chest, her knee on my fingertips, and the silky warmth of her pussy wrapped around me. I lingered in that forbidden memory more than I would ever admit.
"Shadow, I'd like to tell you something." Mariposa clasped her hands nervously in front of herself, chewing on her lower lip.
Her nervousness made my anxiety dial up to an eleven. Could she tell what I'd been thinking about just from looking at me?
"Yes?"
"I just want to say," she took in a deep breath, "that I'm proud of you."
"Proud of me?" I blinked. "For what?"
"For everything," she breathed. "You taking steps to treat your sleep issues, and trustingme, a woman, to provide the medication. For cutting back on the destructive drinking, which is going to do wonders for your health. For talking to me, tattooing me, everything! I know it hasn't been easy for you, but you're taking all these new experiences in stride." She glanced down at the floor before looking back up at me. "I figured you don't have many people saying this to you, so I just wanted you to hear it from me. You're doing great, and yeah, I'm proud of you, Shadow."
I was stunned, rendered completely unable to do anything but stare at her.Shesaid all of that to me? This woman, with her shifting brown-green eyes, the smile I couldn't get enough of, and the strands of dark hair falling out of her bun to caress her graceful neck?
This woman—so warm, captivating, and beautiful that three Steel Demons fell hopelessly in love with her, said she was proud ofme?
The softest breath of air from her lips could have knocked me to the ground.
"Please say something," she laughed nervously.
"I don't—I just—" I stammered uselessly, the words out of my grasp. I forced a swallow and a deep breath. "Thank you. I don't know what else to say. It...It means a lot to hear you say that."
Her smile returned, and my heart truly stopped when she took a few steps toward me, shattering the barrier between us like it was nothing.
"Is it okay if I give you a hug?"
No amount of deep breaths and mental preparation could bring words to my mouth in that moment. I wasn’t supposed to touch her at all, but that got blown out of the water because of her fall, never mind her tattoo. A hug was a completely foreign gesture to me, but that meant nothing in the grand scheme of things. Men hugged each other. Adults hugged children. It wasn’t harmful. Not sexual. I understood logically that it was a platonic thing, but I never in my life had that much of my body touch another person.
But I wanted to.
Only with her.
My mind screamedyes, but my throat and tongue froze up. So I jerked my chin down in a sharp nod.
She came to me slowly, small hands skimming across my ribs to land gently on my back. Her head turned to rest one cheek in the center of my chest. Then, with a light squeeze of her arms, pulled her body flush against mine.
My hands stayed low at my sides as I just stood there, soaking up the most physical contact I ever had with a woman, or anyone.
The front of her body felt soft pressing into me, her cheek bringing a soothing warmth near my heart. Her hands moved with gentle pressure on my back, pulling forth a sensation that was so good, so intense, I wanted to release it with a moan.
"You can hug me back if you want to," she said in a small voice.
My attention returned to my arms at my sides. I knew hugs usually meant both people wrapped arms around each other, but what if I did it wrong? Plus, I had to be careful with her fresh tattoo.
Tentatively, I brought one arm around the back of her shoulders, just above the tattoo. She didn't seem at all fazed by my scars touching her, even tightening her arms around me when I used the weight of that arm to press her gently into my chest.
Mindful of her fresh ink, I kept my other arm lower, ultimately deciding to wrap it around her waist. With both arms, I returned the light squeezing that she initiated.
