Page 77 of Painless
"I'll be right here," he promised.
I walked up the driveway, each of my feet feeling like lead. As I raised my fist to knock, I silently prayed that she already knew, that I wouldn't be the one to shatter her whole world.
She opened the door right after my knock, looking confused and worried, but that was all.
"Mari! What the blazes is going on? We got the order to stay inside and hide. Is it over now? Where are my children?" Her dark hair, streaked with a few gray strands, was held up by a red bandanna. Bright blue eyes, lined with a few crow's feet, peered at me for answers. Answers I didn't know if I'd be able to give.
"There--there was an attack," I stammered out. "From the air. Drones dropping grenades. The kids are safe. They're at the clubhouse with, uh, Martha, I think."
"Oh, thank God!" She pressed a palm to her chest and leaned against the doorway. "They're at the clubhouse, Elise!" she yelled into the house.
"Told ya our boys would keep the babies safe!" Another woman walked up to the door, someone else's wife I didn't know as well. "Is the coast clear? Can we come out?"
"Andrea," I started, fighting the closure of my throat, the desperation to not hurt her. "I came to tell you about Dallas."
The smile dropped from her face as she straightened up. "Did my silly old man get himself hurt?" She tried to laugh, but it came out hollow.
"I'm—I'msosorry..."
She stepped closer to me, grabbing my shoulders, though I barely felt it. "Tell me the truth, hon. Is he hurt bad?"
I tasted blood from biting the inside of my cheek so hard. "He...he didn't make it. There was nothing I could do. It happened so fast. I'm sorry, Andrea."
She didn't make a sound, but her friend behind her gasped. "Oh no. Andy..."
"My husband's dead?" she demanded.
I nodded, my whole face sore from trying so hard to keep it together. "It was instant, painless." Like that made the situation any better. "He saved the kids from getting hit."
That last bit of information seemed to be the trigger. Andrea released a choked cry, her knees buckling underneath her. I moved in to support her, but her friend was already there.
"Oh, Andy. I'm so sorry, honey..." Her friend's tears fell freely, soaking Andrea's red bandanna as she held the new widow's head to her shoulder.
Dry, heaving sobs wracked Andrea's whole body. Pained moans escaped her, like she was dying herself. Her body slumped against her friend, all strength gone.
"Come sit down, honey," her friend sniffed, dragging her to the couch. "Oh my god, I can't believe he's gone..."
I reached forward and pulled the front door closed, then stepped numbly down the driveway. My purpose was fulfilled and I was no longer needed.
It occurred to me that I’d never had to do that before. Sure, patients had died in my care, but it was on war-torn battlefields. I had to report the deaths to generals and lieutenants, but never loved ones.
Deaths were tragic, but common enough in my field that I became desensitized. I knew since the beginning that my skills could only go so far, and I never expected to perform miracles.
But Dallas...I never wanted so badly to wave a magic wand and make him reappear, alive and well. He would never be a nameless corpse in a mass grave. I only knew him briefly, but he wassomeoneto me. And someone more to Andrea, his kids, and the men I loved.
It hurt. I hated that any of us had to lose him.
I met Shadow at the end of the driveway, barely aware that I had walked at all.
"How'd it go?" he asked.
I didn't want to freak him out by being emotional, but I couldn't hold it in anymore. All my resolve was gone in speaking those few sentences to Andrea.
A sob escaped, painful and ugly as it dragged out of my chest. I tried to tell him I was sorry, but another one came out. And then the tears blurred my vision.
"Mari—?" Shadow moved as though to touch my shoulders, then stopped himself. "Shit. I'm sorry. Can I—"
I didn't give him a chance to finish talking. I just squeezed my eyes shut against the tears, as my forehead pressed into his chest. The sobs heaved through my lungs as I cocooned my arms between my body and his.
