Page 91 of Painless
Or, if my body is found before it all ends, someone will know what I did.
Shadow nodded. "What kind of design did you have in mind?"
"I was thinking just the wordMedicwith a red cross on my arm, like the armband the combat medics used to wear in the old wars."
Shadow tilted his head in thought, lips pursing in a way that was almost cute. The thought of kissing him sent my insides fluttering. How would he respond to an affectionate touch? Something more intimate than a hug. I wasn't even thinking of any part of him under his clothes, appealing as those areas were. No, I wondered about kissing that scar on his face, the one part of him he adamantly didn't want me to see.
"Can I show you something?" he asked, quickly adding, "If you don't mind."
I imagined pushing his hair away, letting my fingers trail over the hidden side of his face. "Of course you can."
He turned and left the kitchen, carefully stepping over Freyja sprawled out on the floor. She looked at me and then at him as if to say,why aren't you pouncing on him? Do I have to do all the work?
He returned moments later, flipping through a book, before he turned it around and held it out to me. "Have you ever seen this?"
I took it from him, studying the symbol on the open page. "I don't think so. What is it?" The image was of a staff with a snake wrapped around it. My first thought was that it would look right at home on a motorcycle jacket.
"It's called the Rod of Asclepius," Shadow said. "It's associated with the Greek god of healing and medicine. And it was a medical symbol before the onset of the Collapse." He took the book back from me and closed it, seeming embarrassed all of a sudden. "I just thought you might like to see it. You don't have to—"
"Shadow, wait." My hand caught his forearm as he turned to put the book away. "Idolike it. It's a cool symbol with a lot of history." I smiled at him. "And I bet it would look better on my arm than a blocky red cross."
"I—I thought so, too." He hesitated, glancing down at my hand on his arm. "But it's up to you. It was just an idea I had when you said a medic tattoo."
"You have good ideas." I allowed my hand to drop from his arm. "I'm glad you showed me. Let's do the Rod of Asclepius instead."
"You're sure?"
"Positive." I wanted to hug him again to reassure him and show my excitement, but I settled for smiling and clasping my hands behind my back. "When can we do it?"
"Um, well." He reached up to rub the back of his neck, his massive bicep flexing. "I can draft a few designs this afternoon. You can pick your favorite tomorrow, and we can get started right after that, if that works for you."
"That works perfectly," I grinned. The urge to hug him was so intense now, my fingers tightened almost painfully around each other behind my back.
If it was anyone else, I wouldn't have hesitated. But I didn't want to push my luck, nor his precarious comfort zone with me.
"Great, good." He lifted a booted foot to gently remove Freyja, who clung to him like velcro again.
Somehow that silly cat eased the tension between us, while shamelessly demonstrating exactly how I wouldn't mind touching him.
Again.
I shoved down the stubborn memory, so vivid, but in a closed-off part of my mind like a distant dream. It never should have happened, and everyone treated it like it never did. But there was no forgetting how the space inside me stretched when it filled with him, nor the heat and texture of those scars under my palms. Scars I itched to feel and explore again.
"Tomorrow, then," I practically skipped out of the kitchen, restraining my own hands behind my back. "I'll be over in the morning to change Jandro's bandage."
"Okay." He licked his lips, flexed arm falling to his side. "It'll be fun to draw. I'll come up with something you'll like."
"I know you will." I forced myself to turn toward the door, despite wishing I could lean my head on his chest again, and this time press a palm to his face. "See you then, Shadow."
"See you, Mariposa."
Epilogue
REAPER
Irolled to my side and found her there. Beautiful and looking like an angel in her sleep. Jandro had scooted near the bottom of the bed, using Mari’s thighs as a pillow. Apparently that helped him to sleep while lying on his stomach.
On the other side of me, Gunner slept near the edge of the bed, his long arm hanging down to the floor.
