Page 90 of Heartless
I slammed my forehead on a cross bar, wishing I could feel the pain rattling through my skull. I deserved it a hundred times over if I really…
Maybe I didn’t. I could never, not to her.
But waking up alone in a cage never boded well for me.
Did I… Fuck, what if I…
I couldn’t bring myself to complete the thought, a wave of nausea surging through me until bile coated my throat.
I’d never killed anyone by accident. Every life I took had been intentional and with purpose. But Mari…fucking sweet, beautiful Mari…
I was a dead man if I did. And also if I didn’t, most likely. I didn’t care. If I had a weapon nearby, I’d end my own life so Reaper wouldn’t have to burden himself with the task. He could keep Mari safe—if she was still alive—while the vultures picked at me until I was forgotten. That would be better for everyone.
A door at the far end of the room opened, light pouring in from a hallway. I instantly recognized the silhouette of the man walking through and my heart dared to leap with a tiny spark of hope.
“Jandro!”
“Shadow,” he greeted gruffly.
There was no humor in his voice—no easygoing, lighthearted demeanor as he came in and leaned against the bars of my neighboring cell to stare at me. His jaw was tense, muscles jumping in his arms like he was dying to take a swing at me.
No, the tension radiating off his body was more intense than that. He looked like he wanted to kill me.
“Jandro,” I breathed, fists tightening around my bars. “What did I do?”
“You don’t remember?”
“No.” I rocked my forehead from side to side against the bars. “Mari and I…we fell asleep together and…then I woke up here.”
He nodded without an ounce of sympathy. “One of your usual episodes then.”
“Jandro…” I looked down at my bare feet, unable to meet his eye. “…did I hurt her?”
It felt like an eternity passed before he answered. “She’s at the hospital, in stable condition. Reap and Gun are with her.”
My stomach felt like it dropped out of my body. I’d never felt anything remotely like that sensation, like I was falling and also collapsing in on myself. Distantly, I was aware that I’d sunk to my knees against the cell bars, but my mind and thought process felt completelyoutof my body.
I hurt her.
Badly enough to put her in the hospital.
It felt like a boot was stomping down on my chest, impairing my breathing, and I wished for the feeling to kill me. To crush my ribcage and magically allow me to feel the pain of every bone breaking. I had hurt the person I cared about most.
“How…how bad is she?” Talking felt impossible but I forced the words out. I had to know.
“She’s in a neck brace, pretty banged up. But she’ll be okay.”
A fucking neck brace. God, what kind of fucking monster am I?
“Fuck, Jandro…” I ground my teeth, banged my forehead on the metal bars, drew ragged anxiety-filled breaths, and none of it was enough. My stupid fucking body couldn’t sense the pain I deserved for hurting her, couldn’t keep the nightmares away for the one fucking night I forgot to take a pill.
“Reaper wants you executed.” Jandro said, ignoring my outburst.
“Good. I’m ready any time.”
“Yeah?”
“Yes.” I pulled my face away from the bars, nothing but a throbbing sensation in my head. “Fuck, I’ll do it myself so Reaper doesn’t have to.”
