Page 98 of Heartless
Shadow kissing the scar on my belly, the warmth in his eyes when he asked me to stay. Then in contrast, his face full of hatred, eyes cold and unflinching as I begged for my life. Reaper with tears in his eyes. Reaper with no remorse. Gunner siding with him, which felt like another betrayal to me. And Jandro, my poor Jandro. The only one besides me with enough heart to care.
My head against the floor, I heard footsteps slowly ascend the stairs. A fresh bolt of anger struck through me. If any of them thought they could convince me this was the right thing to do, I wouldn’t just discard their jewelry. I’d kick and punch my way out of here until I had some peace. I was sick of these men, even hated them in the moment.
The floorboards creaked under the weight of the footsteps. They approached the bedroom door slowly, as though unsure if they really wanted to see me or not. The footsteps paused just on the other side while I waited, listening while curled up on the ground.
“Mari? It’s me.”
Jandro.
Something in my chest lurched, and I pressed up from the floor. The sadness in his voice called to mine, and now I was desperate to not be alone.
I opened the door to let him in. He didn’t say a word but pulled me into another embrace. And somehow, I found the strength to cry again.
Jandro let me sob on his shoulder, running his hands up and down my back. His body occasionally jerked with a rough breath and I knew he was fighting tears too.
“He’s…he’s gone…” It seemed to hit me hardest right then, that I would never see Shadow again.
“I know.” Jandro’s breath rattled shakily out of his chest. “I know. I’m so sorry.”
“You couldn’t have stopped him.” I leaned my forehead into his neck, cradling my arms between his chest and mine. “Reaper would never let anyone get in his way.”
Jandro stroked my back without saying any more, his breaths growing deeper and steadier. “He left something for you.”
I lifted my head. “Shadow did?”
He nodded, reaching into his cut pocket and producing a folded piece of paper which readMariposain blocky handwriting. “I didn’t read it. Promise.”
I took the letter with both hands, unable to do anything but stare at my name on the front. So clearly, I could picture Shadow’s hand moving across it as he wrote, the same way his hands moved over me as he tattooed me, pleased me.
“Do you want me to leave?” Jandro asked.
“No.” I reached for his hand, walking us both toward the bed. “Stay with me?”
“Siempre,” he whispered.Always.
We sank down on the mattress together, his touch drifting over my arms and waist. Always near, always supportive, even when I felt almost too afraid to open a letter. I took a few steadying breaths while he just held me, lips resting on the back of my head. Then with shaking hands, I unfolded the letter and began to read.
Mariposa,
I will never ask you to forgive me. I don’t deserve it.
I’m sorry beyond what words can express for hurting you. You’re one of the bravest, strongest people I’ve ever met, so I know you will recover, especially with the love of your men surrounding you. But I will carry this for the rest of my days. It’s the least I can do after what I put you through.
You’re always thinking of others before yourself, so please be assured that I will never allow this to happen again to another person. I’m not sure where I’ll end up, but I’m making that promise to you now. No one will get hurt because of me.
Thank you for everything you’ve shown me. I’ll always be grateful for your kindness and care, for taking a chance on me when no one else did. I hope what I did doesn’t dampen your willingness to help others. There are people who need you, Mariposa. People more worthy of your kindness than me.
If I can make one request—heal from the pain I’ve caused you. Heal completely, like I was never in your life to begin with. Forget about me. Let me become nothing more than a faded scar from your past. I don’t deserve the space in your mind. Live a long, happy life with your men who will always do right by you. I will never forget you, but please forget me.
Don’t miss me. Don’t be sad for me. It’s better this way.
Shadow
My eyes started blurringwith tears before I finished reading the first paragraph. By the time I reached the end, I was sobbing again.
Jandro wrapped tightly around me, pressing kisses into my hair and stroking me as he gently pulled me down on the bed. Finally, the exhaustion overtook me.
My face was hot.My head pounded. I’d been crying so hard, my eyes felt practically swollen shut as I started to rouse.
