Page 99 of Heartless
The heat on my face came from the late-morning sun streaming through the window. A bright, sunny day, as if the nightmarish last few days hadn’t happened at all.
I stretched my sore, aching body, cracking my swollen eyes open to find toast and eggs on a plate on the nightstand, a mug of tea still steaming. Looking behind me, the sheets were rumpled on the bed but Jandro was missing. I allowed myself a smile, a small touch of warmth to soothe the deep ache in my chest as I scooted over to the food he left.
The eggs and toast were still warm, and I finished off the plate with the realization that I skipped dinner last night.
Fuck, last night.
A wave of regret hit me, clamping around the food in my stomach. I stretched out the fingers of my left hand, looking at the tan line left behind where my ring used to be.
I said awful things to Reaper, the man I promised to love forever. My hand closed into a fist, dropping down onto my thigh. I meant what I said in the moment, although my explosive anger had now given way to exhaustion and a deep, painful ache. He hurt me, so I wanted to hurt him back.
Guilt now consumed the regret, my sore eyes threatening to spill more tears if I wallowed in it. I’d never wanted to hurt someone I loved but he…
No. This is on you.
Reaper thought he was protecting me by sending Shadow away. He knew I’d be upset, but saw it as a fair trade-off for keeping me safe in the long term. I’d always known he was a man of absolution. He took no half-measures. His decisions were final, permanent. This was just another example of that.
I shook my head with a groan and rubbed my temples. He deserved an apology for what I said, for taking the ring off, but I wasn’t ready to forgive him. I wasn’t sure when or if that day would ever come.
A tapping sound brought my gaze up, and I spotted Horus peering at me through the window. As much as I didn’t want to leave bed, I slipped out and went to slide the pane open. Chilly air rushed into the room, and I rubbed my arms against the cold.
Fresh air and sunlight will do you good, daughter.
Like Hades, Horus’s voice sounded ancient. Powerful enough to rattle through my sore head, but right then he spoke with a gentleness, like a parent would to soothe a child. And he was right. I could already breathe easier, the cool air feeling like it revitalized my lungs and calmed the puffiness of my face.
“Do you know where he went?” I asked the falcon.
I see him,the bird answered.I always do.
“Is he okay?”
No. But he is alive.
I pulled in a deep breath, looking out over the landscape below my window.
“Will he come back?”
Not without a reason.
My gaze returned to the small, fearsome bird perched on my windowsill. He’d never come to me on his own, not without Gunner nearby, and had certainly never spoken to me before. But here he was now, like he’d been waiting for this moment to speak to me.
“I have to go find him.” The words flew out of my mouth without a thought. “I have to give him a reason to come back.”
Yes, Horus said, as though it were obvious.But not yet, daughter.
“When?”
I will tell you when the time is right.The bird fluffed up his feathers before smoothing them down again.Shadow must learn to fly and he has only just opened his wings.
Epilogue
SHADOW
One Week Later
Ifinally hit my breaking point where I needed to stop. Everything ached when I pulled up to the service center, another hotel from before the Collapse that had been converted into something between a hostel and brothel. I’d crashed in a few of them throughout my long, aimless journey, but never for more than a night. This time, I needed to stay in one place for a bit. A week or so to figure out what I would do next.
This particular service center also had a bar, from what the blinking neon lights in the windows claimed. Now that I could no longer be properly medicated, it was back to booze to chase away the nightmares.
