Page 16 of Senseless
But he dragged a hand down his face with a resigned nod. “Okay. When you get back, then.” He seemed unsure of what to do with his hands, settling for resting them on his hips. Normally he’d be holding me tightly against him, hands on my ass and his tongue down my throat, making sure I got a goodbye worth remembering. “Be safe out there.”
“Thanks. You be safe back here.”
“I will. You, uh,” Reaper cleared his throat. “You might see Gunner out there,” he called after me as I headed for the garage. “Not in the first wave, but he’ll head out there if the troops need backup.” He ran a hand through his dark hair, rubbing the back of his neck. “I know he’d really love to talk to you too. Just for a moment, if you’re up for it.”
I didn’t answer as I went through the garage door and headed for my dirt bike.
Five
MARIPOSA
Irode to the hospital, helped pack supplies for the field medic team into a couple of Jeeps and vans, then rode my little dirt bike north alongside the other vehicles. Being alone on my little bike, with the open road in front of me and the sun slowly rising, only deepened the yearning in my chest.
It wasn’t just my men I wanted back, but our old life. I missed seeing them on their roaring bikes riding next to me and whoever I was clinging to. The grins on their faces and their wild yells as we tore across the landscape. Hands holding mine as I wrapped around them, or stroking my leg as we rode. We’d always had enemies, that was no different now. But Reaper was right about how our family had been fractured. A tear ran through us, separating us. We’d never be the same, but maybe we could move forward into something new.
Onceallof us were back together.
I’d heard nothing new from Horus that morning, just like every morning before it. The more time passed, the more my emotions seemed to shift. I was growing tired of waiting for the right time, impatient and eager to have Shadow back. Something Reaper said this morning unnerved me though.
What if Shadow didn’t want to come back?
What if he found a place to stay? A place where he could be safe, maybe even work as a tattoo artist? What if…
My dirt bike jolted forward, a result of my hand closing into a fist around the throttle. I eased my grip and the breath that had been stuck in my chest with where my mind went.
What if Shadow met someone?
I definitely wasn’t the only woman in the world who was attracted to him. And he was confident now, expressing himself with ease. And that said nothing of how generous he was in the bedroom.
My pulse sped up, stomach flip-flopping at the memories of how he kissed me, how much sweetness and care he treated me with. A fresh knot formed in my chest at the realization that he might kiss someone else like that, touch another woman and please her using what he learned from me.
It only dawned on me then that he might be happier wherever he was. He might have found a whole new life to give him fulfillment and meaning. And if that were the case, what right did I have to demand that he return to me?
I leaned over my handlebars, refocusing on the road ahead. My plans wouldn’t change. I would wait for Horus to tell me when it was time, then head out and find him. If Shadow was truly happier where he was, I’d leave him be and return home. I would find a way to forgive Reaper and move forward with my three husbands, not four.
No matter how wrong it felt to not have Shadow as mine.
I moved on autopilot when we reached the site in neutral territory to set up the field hospital. Having a team and being fully stocked with equipment was a luxury I never encountered while working alone. Four people got the canvas tents set up quickly, while the rest of us unloaded supplies and stored them where they’d be easiest to access in case of an emergency. We set up beds, gurneys, and curtains to divide sections of the tents for privacy. We had just finished when the sun was rising high, and were finally settling into having breakfast and coffee when one of the Four Corners Army Jeeps pulled up.
“Good morning, medics!” The lieutenant in the passenger seat hopped out to greet us. His name tag read GONZALEZ.
“Morning, sir. Coffee?” asked one of the younger medics, a woman named Cynthia.
“No, thank you. General Bray just recommended I stop by and let you all know essentially what to expect.” He pulled in a breath and squared his shoulders back. “Blakeworth’s scouts have been meeting with ours in the past couple of days and engaging with hostility.”
“Meaning what, exactly?” Cynthia asked.
“Their scouts have started shooting at ours,” I said. “Initiating all the firing, even when they’re both in neutral territory, from what Jandro has told me.”
“Correct.” Lieutenant Gonzalez nodded. “Their numbers and hostility have been increasing in the past week. No serious injuries to our men yet, but they’re sending a clear message that they want a fight.”
“So this war has actually started?” Another medic paled. “Like, this is the first actual battle?”
“We’re hoping it’s nothing more than a small skirmish,” Gonzalez said. “They’re showing off their firepower, trying to provoke a reaction from us. Our goal here is to show them we’re just as strong, just as organized. We’re still open to peaceful negotiations, if Governor Blake is willing.”
“I wouldn’t hold my breath on that,” I muttered. Then, “Lieutenant, may I add something?”
“Of course, ma’am.” He brought his hands together behind his back and stepped aside as I turned to face the wide-eyed group of medics.
