Page 26 of Senseless
“I’m sure you know,” Doc continued, “that people from our past never really leave us, even long after they’re no longer in our lives.”
A derisive snort left me before I could contain it. If I could escape the people from my past, I wouldn’t be in this situation right now.
“Every person we meet shapes us into the people we are. Even brief relationships can have a lasting impact on our lives. If this woman made you happy, well, what’s so bad about holding on to the good memories? Especially if they can improve your wellbeing.”
“I don’t know.” I stood from the chair, stretching from my cramped sitting position. “It feels like I don’t have the right to them.”
“But you do, Ivan.” Doc approached me and touched his index finger to my forehead, something Mari had also done before. “You haveeveryright to good memories because you were there. You experienced them, they’re yours.” He tapped his finger twice on my forehead before dropping his hand away. “And no one can take them away from you.”
Eight
MARIPOSA
With quick work and oxygen at the ready, we were able to save everyone in the cave-in who had survived the initial blast, about half of Gunner’s unit.
Those with the worst injuries were quickly transported back to the field hospital. Everyone else, we told to sit tight until the van came back. Even with oxygen and rest, they were no longer in fighting shape after what they’d been through.
Gunner too had been rattled. He was covered in dirt from trying to dig them out, had clearly been in shock, and seemed to experience some hearing loss from the blast.
“We shouldn’t stay here,” Gunner said, his voice a rough rasp. “The perimeter units are holding off Blakeworth, but we’re still in the middle of a battlefield.”
“We’ll get them moving soon,” I said, not wanting to argue. “Let me check you over.”
He thankfully kept still while I moved my hands and stethoscope over him. I had to feel under his clothes and tried to remain as clinical as possible, but something passed between us as my gloved hands pressed on his abdomen.
This was my husband, not just any patient in my care. This was a man I hadn’t touched in weeks, despite how intensely I craved him. He let out a soft grunt at the pressure from my fingertips and I fought hard to not recall the last time I heard him make such a noise.
“Any pain when I touch you here?”
He snorted, and I knew he was holding back some wisecrack reply. “No, no pain.”
“Any ringing in your head?” I moved to his side and shined my penlight into his ear canal.
“Oh yeah. It’s pretty much all I hear.”
“Yeah, that’ll probably last for a few days.”
He snorted again. “Great.”
I slid my stethoscope dial up his back, under his shirt, resting it over where he wore the tattoo that matched mine. “Breathe deeply for me.”
Stepping away after he took a few breaths, I pulled the eartips out while making sure I put some physical space between us. Being close to him, touching him, it was intense, bordering on too much. Like with Reaper, it was annoying how much his close proximity affected me. I resented all the attraction and chemistry with these two men, hating the possibility that it might influence my judgment of their actions.
“You might have inhaled some particulate tossed up in the air from the blast,” I explained clinically. “Take it easy for a week or so. You might have a cough for a few days. Let me know if you cough up any blood.”
He lowered his blue gaze to his lap, an ironic smile on his face. “Does this mean I’m allowed to talk to you again?”
I released a sigh and crossed my arms over my chest, knowing this conversation would have to happen sooner or later. “You talked to Reaper, I take it?”
“Yeah.” He lifted his shoulder as if to shrug, then winced as he lowered it back into place.
“I’ll get you an ice pack for that,” I said. “So did he tell you what would set this right for me?”
Gunner nodded. “Yeah, he did.” He went quiet after that, looking at me as if waiting for me to explain myself. When I didn’t and just continued to meet his stare, he lowered his gaze again with a sigh. “Mari, I love you—“
“Stop right there.” I raised a hand. “This isn’t a negotiation, Gunner. I know you’re good at that, but you won’t convince me that I’m better off forgetting Shadow. Frankly, it feels manipulative.”
“I’m not—“
