Page 27 of Senseless
“I said,stop.Let me finish.”
A muscle feathered in his jaw as his mouth clamped shut. He looked determined to speak, but thankfully held back.
I lowered my hand, my throat tightening with emotion. “And it…hurts that you took Reaper’s side over listening to me.” I sniffed, batting my eyes as I willed the tears not to fall. “That hurt a lot, Gun. So can you understand why I don’t want to hear you say you love me? Or are you going to ignore that too?”
His mouth dropped open, brow knitting with tension as his hands wrung in his lap like he was fighting the urge to touch me. With a sharp breath, his jaw closed, teeth clicking with how hard his mouth shut.
“I’m sorry, Mari.” Gunner blinked and I saw the beginnings of tears welling in his sky-blue eyes. “I’m sorry I didn’t listen to you. I should have. I should have spoken up and told Reap it wasn’t what you wanted. I hurt you and we,” he paused to swallow thickly, “we probably fucked up his life when there was another way.”
The air seemed to whoosh out of us both. It was like a small crack had formed in the tension between us over the last several weeks. We weren’t out of the woods yet, but it was something.
“I’m not trying to make excuses, just explain,” Gunner said with another shaky breath. “We were just…convinced it was the right thing to do. Theonlything to do. We wanted to protect you, baby gi—Mari. But I understand,” he nodded to himself, “the damage was already done and it wouldn’t have happened again. Shadow is the type of guy who will go to extreme lengths to protect you from himself.” Gunner met my eyes again, the blue depths filled with sadness. “What Reaper did—what we did—was wrong. It was badly thought out, and we should have listened to you.”
“Thank you for referring to Shadow in the present tense,” I said softly. “But you know this can’t stop here.Anythingthat comes up between us, you will have to listen to me. You can’t just steamroll over me when you’ve already decided what to do. When something concerns me, you have to actually listen to what I want.”
“I know.” Gunner nodded again. “You’re absolutely right, Mari. I’m sorry it took such a painful event for me to realize this. I promise I’ll do better.” He extended a hand, and I held back as long as I could before placing my fingers in his. His hand wrapped around mine, long fingers stroking over my palm. “It’s good to talk to you again.”
I nodded, but felt like I’d be unable to voice the same sentiment without bursting into tears, and thus letting myself fall against his chest. “I should check on your unit,” I said instead, pulling my hand out of his.
He reluctantly let me go, sad eyes watching me as I turned my back. Even without looking at him, I could feel his stare as tangibly as the kisses he used to leave on the back of my neck.
Further away from him, I could focus better as I checked oxygen levels and injuries. When the truck returned, we helped people into the bed carefully and moved out to return to the field hospital.
“You coming with us, or staying?” I called to Gunner as I straddled my dirt bike.
He stood next to his bike, talking into the radio clipped on his cut. “I’ll meet you back there in a bit. Maybe, um—” He shoved a dirt-covered hand back through his hair. “The hospital is sending another team of medics so you guys can take your leave soon. If it’s okay with you,” he pulled his lip between his teeth, “maybe we can ride home together?”
Oh, how I wanted to. I yearned to ride off to some beautiful, secluded place and catch up on all the time I lost with my golden gunman. But the hurt wasn’t completely gone, only slightly healed from his apology. I wasn’t ready to go back to being a happy family again. Not until our whole family was back together.
“We’ll see,” I answered noncommittally. “I’ll have to give reports to the new head medic when they arrive.”
He nodded, reluctantly accepting that answer as he turned to continue listening to his units through the radio.
“Be safe,” I told him, turning my bike around. “Don’t make me come out here to pull you out next.” I saw the hint of his gorgeous smile before I drove off, kicking my bike into gear to catch up with the supply van.
I heard a high-pitched screech rolling through the air, even over my engine, as I spotted Horus dive bombing like a missile for some food. The memory of soaring, of seeing the whole battlefield through a bird’s-eye view came to the forefront of my mind.
It wasn’t a dream, was it?
No, daughter. You needed to see, so I lent you my eyes.
The answer came clearly through my head as though Horus had been flying right next to my handlebars.
“What’s the point?” I demanded, my voice low and barely audible over my bike. “I don’t understand any of it. Shadow being exiled, my marriage falling apart. Just why?”
The point is growth, daughter. Just as there is no flying without falling, there is no growth without pain.
He said nothing after that, and I didn’t inquire further. The next few hours were a busy hustle-and-bustle of treating new patients. The new medic team showed up just before nightfall, and not a moment too soon. My exhaustion had returned with a vengeance, and I was nearly falling asleep on my feet.
“At ease, Mariposa.” The head medic of the second team, a tough woman named Tori, patted my shoulder. “Get some sleep before you head home.”
“Has, uh,” I forced my eyes to stay open, despite how heavily my lids drooped. “Has my husband come back?”
“He’s been radioing updates. The battle is pretty much over. I think he and the remaining units will be heading straight back to deliver intel to General Bray, last I heard.”
I nodded as I meandered to a corner of the tent to lay down on a cot with a blanket. A big part of me was disappointed that Gunner didn’t come here to ask me again about riding home. Seeing and touching him had reawakened so muchfeelingthat had been numbed over the past few weeks. I wanted both of my husbands that I’d pushed away in all of my senses, to consume them like drugs.
The only thing I wanted more were the wrongs committed against Shadow to be reversed, for my beautiful, scarred man to return home to me.
