Page 28 of Senseless
I pulled the blanket over me and curled my legs up to my chest, fluffing the lumpy, cheap pillow under my head into something marginally more supportive. Lying there, settling into my exhaustion, I wondered where Shadow was right then, what he was doing.
Did he still think of me as much as I thought of him? His letter said he would never forget me. I couldn’t forget him if I tried, despite him telling me that I should. Did he even have a tent over his head and a blanket like me? Was he hungry or lonely? Or maybe he was just fine, living a life that never would have been possible if he hadn’t been freed from the SDMC.
I drifted off to sleep with memories of kissing scars over warm skin and corded muscles, and swore I jolted awake only seconds later to Horus’ voice.
Wake up, daughter.
Blinking at the early dawn light coming through the tent, I pulled the blanket tighter around me against the chill. Medics were already up and about, making coffee and breakfast over camping stoves, chatting quietly, and tending to patients.
“Coffee, Mari?”
Someone pushed a steaming cup into my hand before I could answer, and I wrapped my hands around it gratefully. A few careful sips warmed me up enough to get moving, and I was unsurprised to see Horus perched on my bike just outside the tent. He faced east, the same direction as the rising sun.
Make your preparations, daughter,his ancient voice echoed in my head.
“Preparations?” I repeated. “For what?”
For a long journey.The falcon stretched his wings out to the sides, sunlight illuminating the long, graceful feathers.Tomorrow is the day.
“Tomorrow?” I gasped. “You mean…?”
We leave to pull a man from the shadows,he said.And begin a new stage of growth.
Nine
JANDRO
Ihated empty houses. They always felt fucking weird, like ghosts were lurking, because homes were meant to be filled up with people. With a family.
My house growing up was wild. If me or one of my sisters wasn’t causing a ruckus, my aunt and uncle would be yelling at each other across the house from different rooms. It was just how they had a normal conversation.
In Sheol, I didn’t spend a ton of time at home until Mari came into our lives. But that place was different. The clubhouse and my bike shop were just as much my home as the place I shared with Shadow. Our club thrived because of the sense of community there.
But here? I didn’t know how the fuck we ended up here.
Mari had been gone for going on six days straight to run the field hospital for the Blakeworth skirmish. Four days in, Gunner headed out with the backup units. Back at our so-called home, Reaper and I were just in and out, barely interacting.
I spent most of my days at Dave’s garage, tuning up the club’s vehicles and helping Dave out with his workload when I had spare time. Coming home to a dark, empty house was the worst. I ate enough to get by, showered and got into bed to start the whole day over. Reaper usually got in later than me, and I didn’t care enough to keep tabs on his whereabouts.
Even before Mari left to work out in the field, it was like I could feel the life in our home slowly suffocating. She spent all her free time at the hospital, avoiding the other guys and barely talking to me beyond surface level stuff.
Our new house had been lively and bright the night of our homecoming party, filled with happy people and good cheer. It felt like a turning point for us, a chance to put roots down and become a real family unit. I never expected our sense of home and togetherness to start dying that very same night.
For weeks, I went back and forth between feeling pissed at and sorry for Shadow. We all hated that Mari got hurt, but the big dude never had a say in what happened to him. He didn’t have control over how the abuse from his previous life would affect him. Shadow was a victim too, and what happened to Mari was a long-festering symptom of the damage that had been done to him.
But Reaper was president. My bullheaded best friend would have thrownmein a damn jail cell if I tried to stop him. I knew him even better than I knew Shadow. The one thing I knew that Reaper would never admit, was how fucking scared he was.
Losing his parents had almost broken him. Losing his brotherdidbreak him. Finding Mari had helped glue some of those broken pieces back together. If he were to lose her? Nothing would bring him back from that.
He was terrified of losing those who mattered most to him. That kind of fear turned a rational man into a creature who reacted on instinct, relying on past events as a means to protect his future.
Like the parts of a motorcycle, I knew Reaper well enough to fit together all the pieces of his history. The sum of which spurred actions and a mindset that didn’t surprise me in the least.
It didn’t mean I had to like it. We’d exchanged few words over the past weeks, mostly him asking how Mari was, and me always giving the same answer, “Fine.”
I felt like a robot, like those automated machines I heard stories about that used to build cars and computers. My mind was blank, empty and numb as my body went through the motions it was supposed to. Eat, sleep, feed chickens, shower, work.
The emptiness of the house didn’t even register when I came inside that evening through the garage door. It would send me on a downward spiral if I let it, and I couldn’t. It felt like I was the only one keeping this family together, albeit by fraying threads. Distantly, I knew Mari was due to come home after a week. With six days that had passed now, I’d have to find out if anyone knew if she was on her way back.
