Page 35 of Senseless
“Just fucking think for a minute!” he bellowed. “Think of someone other than yourself, other than whatyouwant! Put yourself inherplace.Dios mio, I don’t blame her at all for leaving.”
I backed up against the kitchen counter, thinking back to my last conversation with Mari, nearly a week ago. Fuck, it felt like an eternity ago, and even longer since I touched her.
She was adamant that nothing would satisfy her except bringing Shadow back, that he was the one who suffered the most in this situation, despite her being the one who was nearly strangled to death.
Even then, she still had us,I remembered.While Shadow has no one.A man she loved and wanted to build a life with, was cast out into exile without warning.Idid that. By hurting him, I hurt her.
And that mattered.
I should have known how much it would matter. I saw how intensely she loved her men, how much work she put into drawing Shadow out of his comfort zone so he could live a full life without fear. Had it been me, Jandro, or Gunner in Shadow’s circumstances, she would have done the same for any of us. That was how deep her love went. That was how badly I hurt not only her, but all of us.
My actions told her that her love meant nothing, that it was something meaningless and easily discarded. It hit me right then like a brick to the stomach, just how utterly wrong I had been.
“I…drove her away.” The words came out a weak whisper.
“And exiled one of your own men, someone we can never replace.” Jandro’s gaze bore into me, daring me to argue. “One of your best and most loyal fighters, tossed out on his ass for something he couldn’t control.”
I could only lift my head up and down in shamed agreement. “Yes, you’re right. Shadow was nothing but good to us. Good toher, and I threw it all away.” I scrubbed a hand down my face, barely able to look at the two of them. “I get it now.Idid this. I ruined everything, I know.”
“We should have listened to her,” Gunner added mournfully. “Shetoldus she wanted help for Shadow, not punishment. We completely disregarded her wishes, and that’s the real reason why everything’s fucked.”
“I know. I know.” A massive sigh left me, my entire body feeling like it was deflating. “So what do we do now, just wait?”
“Don’t look at us,” Jandro scoffed. “You’re still the pres.”
“This is pretty fucking bad, actually.” Gunner looked at both of us. “We were depending on Horus’ sight to plan our battle tactics. Now we’re basically blind.”
“You can’t see through him at all?” I asked.
Gunner shook his head. “It’s like he closed a door. He’s not letting me in, no matter what.”
“That’s gonna fuck us,” I groaned, pinching my forehead. “We have to tell my dad.”
“Keep trying,” Jandro told him. “Or I dunno, see if you can look through Foghorn as a backup?”
“This doesn’t make any sense.” Gunner ignored Jandro’s attempt at a joke and frowned at Hades and Freyja, sitting next to each other as they watched. “Why didn’t Freyja go with her?”
She does not need love, she has that already. She needs sight, not love.
The answer threw all of us off-balance, grabbing for something like an earthquake had hit.
“Holy shit.” Gunner stared wide-eyed at the cat.
“Nice of you to say hello again,” I grumbled.
We belong to none of you.Hades’ voice cut through our heads next.We assist at our own discretion, nothing more.
“I already figured that,” I said. “But Gunner has a point. How are we supposed to win now? We’re outnumbered, surrounded, and now blind.”
You will find a way.Hades’ tone was dismissive.Humanity is good at that.
“Fuck me.” I turned away, stabbing my fingers through my hair. “Get dressed, Gun. We better tell the general sooner rather than later.”
“Need anything from me?” Jandro folded his arms, Mari’s note between his fingers like a precious relic. “From the club?”
I thought for a moment, rubbing my jaw. “Get all of our bikes fitted with off-road tires and the biggest fucking mufflers you can find. I want our bikes as silent as you can make ‘em. Maybe even camouflage paint, if you have time. With an army this big, we’re better off with a divide-and-conquer approach, and we gotta be stealthy.”
“You got it.” He nodded sharply before a half-smirk pulled at his lips. “That’s the fucking president I know.”
