Page 42 of Senseless
Jen snorted out a laugh. "I'm sorry! Here I am talking your ear off about him when y'all already have a history. Hey!" Her eyes narrowed. "You look a lot like the girl inhistattoo."
I met her gaze, frowning. "What tattoo?" I had seen both of his, and neither of them had resembled a woman.
Jen paled, her brows lifting for a moment before returning to her glasses. "Never mind, I probably should have kept my mouth shut."
I picked at my food, desperate to know more, but also unwilling to ask her those questions. It disturbed me how much she knew about Shadow already.
He's still mine, a feral, possessive part of me whispered. But that voice was becoming diminished, crushed into silence due to his rejection yesterday, and by his apparent ease with making female friends now.
I felt like I wasn't special to him anymore, as juvenile as that sounded. Just him saying good morning to Jen yesterday sparked both pride and a stab of jealousy. He used to say it to me,onlyme. He never would have been able to say it at all if it wasn't for me.
I sat up from my food and began sliding off the stool. Jen and the other girls didn't deserve this vitriol from me. Shadow never believed he would see me again. I had no say over who he talked to, or whatever else he did with other women.
"Want me to box that up and keep it cold for you?" Jen offered, breaking the silence.
"Sure, thanks." I put on a smile, hoping to convey that I wasn't mad at her. "I'm just gonna lie down in my room, I think."
"I gotcha, Mari. Go on and rest."
I left the dining room to the sound of Jen scraping my leftovers into storage containers, and quickly decided I didn't want to stare at the four walls of my room. It was the middle of the day, so it shouldn't be too cold outside for a brisk walk. This was my second full day here and I had yet to properly explore my new surroundings.
I bundled up in all my layers and headed out the side door to the junkyard where Shadow and I talked yesterday. I wasn't exactlyhopingto run into him again, despite still missing and craving him like mad. Even if I did, I wasn't sure what I would say.
What I really wanted was a reset button. A quick rewind back to the night of the housewarming party. Before drifting off to sleep, I'd remind him to take a pill, and all of this would be avoided.
Or just kicked down the road to deal with later, the more cynical part of me said.
Regardless, Shadow was not in the junkyard, but Doc was. The older man was bent under the propped hood of some ancient sports car in pristine condition, the cherry red paint still glossy, and the whole body of the car lowered close to the ground.
"Afternoon, Doc," I greeted, walking up.
"Ah, hello Mari," he returned. "You're looking much better today." He scratched his forehead as he studied me curiously. "Looking for someone?"
"No, not really," I said, avoiding his gaze to look at the piles of scrap metal surrounding us. "Just out for some fresh air. Exploring a bit."
Doc nodded and gave a polite smile. "You look like a smart cookie. Do you like books?"
"Oh, definitely! I love to read."
He turned and pointed down the main road the service center was on. A weathered brick building, clearly pre-Collapse, stood on the next block.
"We take pride in our library here," he said softly. "About five years ago, me and a bunch of the townspeople prevented an invading army from burning it down. When others invaded to take over, we protected it with guns. It's sacred to us, and one of the few intact libraries left for hundreds of miles."
"That's amazing," I breathed. "You must be so proud to still have something so important."
"Immensely," he nodded. "And there's no use in hoarding knowledge to ourselves, so," he spread his hands, "it's open to you, if your exploration takes you there."
"Don't mind if I do." My feet were already heading in that direction, fingers itching to trail over spines and flip through pages. "Thanks, Doc."
"Enjoy yourself, just put everything back where you found it." With that cheerful quip, he returned to working on his car.
I felt near tears the moment I walked into the library, just from the nostalgia alone.
The smell of books hit me first—there were thousands of them here in one place. Paper, glue, and the hushed atmosphere brought me back to long nights studying in nursing school. When my friends and I needed breaks from pouring over anatomy textbooks, we'd head over to the fiction section and devour young adult novels.
I walked through the main aisle now, hardly daring to breathe, as if it would blow away the magic of this place. Other people perused the shelves, though I didn't see a librarian on duty.
In the children's section, I spotted one of the service girls I saw that morning, gently helping a young boy sound out words in a picture book. Down another aisle, two young women giggled and whispered to each other behind books with shirtless men on the covers.
