Page 49 of Senseless
"I'm..."No, not okay at all."...leaving. In the morning."
The door groaned as Shadow seemed to grip it tighter, swinging it open a few more inches. At least there was no else in his room. "You are?"
I gave a shaky nod, my body hovering in a weird limbo between wanting to flee and feeling nailed to my spot. "There's no point in me staying. I can't force you to go anywhere you don't want to, so." I jerked my shoulders up in a shrug. "I just want the best for you, really. I'm glad you've found some...some contentment here." Now felt like a good time for a smile and an escape, so I plastered one on. "So goodbye, Shadow. Best of luck to you."
"Wait," he bit out as I turned to leave. He was gripping the doorknob so hard I saw veins popping in his forearm.
Histattooedforearm.
The sight of the familiar pin-up art clicked into my mind just as he started talking.
"It's not that I don'twantto go back with you," he began softly. "That I don't want...usagain. Because I...I do, Mari."
Sudden commotion in the hallway had me jumping, barely able to process what he said. Giggles, whispers, and heavy footsteps traipsed carelessly through the hall of rooms. A service girl, most likely bringing a customer to bed.
"Want to come in?" Shadow asked.
I nodded gratefully and stepped over the threshold, close enough to catch a whiff of his soap, as he closed the door softly.
"You get used to those noises living here," he muttered a bit sheepishly.
Shadow's room was tidy and neat, like all the living spaces I'd seen him in previously. His bed was large, the sheets only turned down on one side.So he hasn’t been sleeping with anyone.
I brushed the hopeful thought away just as quickly as it came. Cleaning staff made the beds every day. It didn’t mean he’d been the only one in his.
I could only awkwardly look around his room for so long before addressing what he'd said.
"You still...want to be with me?"
The only light on in his room was a desk lamp aimed down at his open sketchbook. Deep shadows carved out his imposing form standing across the room from me, and accented the scar cutting through his face.
"Of course I do," he said in a low voice. "You are...simply the best thing that has ever walked into my life."
"Then why—" A hand flew to my chest, a futile effort to stop the sob that wracked through my lungs.
"You know why," he said mournfully.
"Tell me!" I demanded, my teeth clenched and aching.
"Because Ihurtyou. Because you mean too much to me to ever risk that happening again." Shadow's breaths now sawed in and out of his chest, every muscle accentuated in the dim light.
"Is that really why?" I fired back. "You have no problem touching every woman here, butI'mthe one you want, and you just blow me off?"
"What?" His brow furrowed with confusion. "I'm not—"
"Jen's sleeves are nice work. Those must have takenhoursto complete." Every pent-up, racing thought came pouring out of my mouth now and I was helpless to stop it. "And matching tattoos forallthe girls, huh? That must have kept you busy."
"It's just tattoos. What do you think I'm..." Shadow’s eyes narrowed at me before widening with clarity. "You think I'm sleeping with all of them?"
"Are you seriously gonna tell me you're not?"
"No! I mean yes, I'm telling you I'm not. Mari—"
"Not even the girl from the library?" I crossed my arms, feeling no triumph in the surprise on his face, only sickening dread. "Yeah, I saw you two looking cozy together in the study room today."
Shadow looked to the ceiling with a sigh. "Telisha is the librarian. She lets me take books in exchange for tattoos. We're friendly, that's all."
"Telisha, huh? That's a pretty name."
