Page 53 of Senseless
Mari nestled against me with a contented sigh, making no move to leave. My arm wrapped around her back, hand resting on the side of her hip. It felt so good to have her lying here with me, I never wanted this to end.
Just a little longer, I thought, my lips brushing her hairline.It could be the last moment I have with her.
That last thought was sobering. She had initially come to my room to tell me she was leaving. Was she still planning to, after what we just did?
Mari's eyelids were drooping closed again, her breaths deepening and blowing warm puffs of air on my chest. Fuck, the last thing I wanted to do was disturb her, but I couldn't let her fall asleep on me. This night wouldnotbe a repeat of our last one together. If that meant I had to unwrap her body from mine, severing the warmth and peace of this moment, then I would.
"Mari," I murmured against her hair, running a light touch up her arm.
"Hm." She barely opened her eyes at all and just snuggled against me closer, sliding her leg over mine.
"I can't let you sleep here," I said with a frustrated groan.
Her eyes finally batted open, peering up at me. "After two-and-a-half weeks of nothing, you're still worried?"
"It could be two-and-a-half years and I still wouldn't risk it."
She stiffened at that, then the warmth of her body peeled slowly away from me. I watched her long spine straighten up as she turned to sit on the edge of the bed, wordlessly pulling her clothing back on.
I needed a distraction, otherwise I'd tell her to forget it and tug her back into bed with me. So I rolled up and proceeded to get dressed myself. "I'll walk you back to your room."
"No, it's okay." She looked over her shoulder, her smile appearing strained. "It's just down the hall. Get some rest."
My hands gripped the edge of the mattress as I sat frozen, unsure of what to do. Was this it? Was she just...leaving?
"Are you, um..." I pulled in a deep breath like Doc had taught me. Sometimes they helped with the tightening in my chest like I was feeling now. "Are you still leaving in the morning?"
Mari didn't answer for a few long moments as she pulled her shirt back on, then stood and buttoned her jeans closed. She walked around to the side of the bed I was sitting on, regarding me with an expression I couldn't read.
"What do you think I should do, Shadow?" she asked quietly.
Stay with me, my thoughts said in answer.We'll never be able to sleep in the same bed, but Iamgetting better. I miss you. I crave you. It's been hell not seeing your face, and I'll strive to be worthy of you every day.
She'd never agree to it. She had nothing here and a whole life waiting for her back in Four Corners. But the temporary illusion felt nice. Feeling her curled up in bed against me made it seem more real.
"Maybe...stay one more day?" I reached for one of her hands, enveloping her slender fingers in my palm. "So we can sleep on this and maybe...talk it out tomorrow after we've had some time to think."
Even that felt like a long shot. So what if she enjoyed sex with me? She had that and more back home.
But Mari's lips quirked into a small smile, her other hand reaching for my face. "I suppose another day won't hurt."
Temporary as it was, relief finally loosened the tight ache in my chest. I wouldn't have to say goodbye to her yet.
I grabbed her hand that came to rest on my cheek and pressed a kiss to her palm. "Let me walk you to your door."
She sighed and laughed lightly, but otherwise didn't protest as I stood and finished getting dressed. Her room was a mere fifty feet away down the hall, but I couldn't fully relax until I knew she was safe on the other side of that door.
The hall was dark and quiet, all the service girls had finished exhausting their clients hours ago. Mari held onto my arm, trusting my night vision to guide us just like when I showed her the night-blooming Cereus. Fuck, that felt like years ago.
We reached her door too soon, and she spun in front of it to face me. "Thanks for walking me."
Her hands slid up my chest at the same moment my fingers skimmed over her waist. The ease of touching her sent a deep ache rippling through me. Why the fuck did everything have to feel so natural if I was never meant to keep her?
"Sleep well." I bent low, touching my forehead to hers before finding her lips with my own.
Ilovedkissing her. Maybe because it was something I'd only ever done with her, or the simple fact that a kiss was the fastest, easiest way to get my fix of her. I was an addict of many things—alcohol, violence, and misery. But nothing gave me a high like her.
Mari's tongue shoved into my mouth, lips scraping over mine with a need punctuated by her grip around my neck. She was on her tiptoes to reach me and I banded my arms around her back, holding along that sweeping curve of her spine as her body pressed to mine.
