Page 54 of Senseless
I was moments away from pulling her legs around my waist and carrying her back to my room for another round, when her mouth broke away and her palms flattened against my chest to create distance. My hold around her loosened and her shoes found purchase on the floor once again.
Mari pulled away from me slowly, her hand reaching for the doorknob. "Goodnight, Shadow."
"Goodnight, Mari," I returned. "See you tomorrow," I added, almost like a reminder to not leave too soon.
She nodded and started to unlock the door. I had just turned in the hall when she called out, "Shadow?"
I whipped around. "Yes?"
Mari was standing in the middle of her open doorway now, her hand still on the knob. "Will you tell me tomorrow if you sleepwalk tonight or not?"
My teeth ground against each other before I bit out, "Sure."
She disappeared inside and I returned to my room, my elated mood suddenly sour. I would tell her, but didn't see how the information would be useful. It wouldn't change anything.
None of this changed anything.
The realization hit me hard as I fell back into bed, the side where she laid still warm and smelling lightly of her. Now alone, without her voice and her touch allowing me to fantasize about a different life, cold, harsh clarity settled over me. The sex distracted both of us, and only delayed the inevitable.
She would still have to leave.
And I could never be with her.
Having barely slept,I was already at the bar when Mari came down the next morning. My breakfast was cold and untouched in front of me, my mood clearly sour, although Jen was kind enough not to pry this morning.
I could barely bring myself to look up at the sound of Mari's light footsteps. My hand clenched around the coffee cup in front of me, which had also gone cold. If I turned to her, if I allowed myself to relax in her presence, I might end up kissing her again. Getting distracted, and selfishly taking more of what I could never have long-term.
"Good morning, Shadow." She slipped into the barstool next to me, helping herself to the coffee pot Jen left in front of us.
"Morning," I grunted out.
Silence passed over us, with Jen and the others thankfully giving us plenty of space. Did they know how things had changed? Or could they just sense the regret and despair rolling off of me?
"Well?" Mari prompted after a few sips of coffee.
My heart beat painfully in my chest and my throat wanted to close up until I could say nothing. But it had to be done.
I had to let her go.
"Mari, I—"
"Did you sleepwalk?"
We started speaking at the same time and both abruptly stopped. I stole a look at her for the first time, noticing the tiredness under her eyes. It seemed I wasn't the only one who slept poorly.
She returned my gaze but said nothing, waiting for my answer.
"No, I didn't," I admitted, scrubbing a hand down my face. "But that might have more to do with barely sleeping at all."
"What kept you up?" She set her coffee cup down, folding her hands in her lap.
"This." I gestured between her and me. "Us, and...what we did."
"You don't sound all that happy." Fuck, she was starting to sound like Doc.
"I'm always happiest when I'm with you, it's just..." I paused, subtly scanning the room to make sure we had no eavesdroppers. "We both know I can't come back to Four Corners. And you can't stay here, so..."
Her eyes hardened, lips pressing into a thin line that I wanted to kiss away.
