Page 63 of Senseless
“Yes,” I decided, tearing off a chunk of the baguette and holding it in front of her lips. She ate it all, as well as the grapes I fed her.
When she started sliding down lower in the tub, I cupped the back of her head, making sure her face stayed above the surface. “Ready to get out?” At her tired nod, I got a large towel ready and helped her stand.
Mari leaned on me again, her good leg shaking with effort as I dried her off. “Here we go,” I said, scooping her up into my arms again.
It was a short trip to the edge of my bed, where I sat her down and dug out a clean shirt and pair of my shorts for her to wear. When she finally laid down to rest, scooting gingerly toward my pillow, I was at a loss for what to do next.
“Come here, Shadow,” she murmured, more asleep than awake.
“Just for a little bit,” I relented, moving to lay on my side behind her. At first I made sure not to touch her, then she rolled back toward me slightly, her shoulder colliding softly with my chest. Her hand found mine, then our fingers intertwined, and my arm found its way around her waist.
I let out a breath and closed my eyes, her hair tickling my lips. If only I could stay here, continue to be someone she needed even during sleep. But here was where my usefulness ended. The last place she needed me was asleep in a bed next to her.
When her breathing became deep and steady, I lifted away from the mattress and carefully worked to unlace my fingers from hers. I’d take a nap in her room, or find any empty spot to crash for a few hours before checking on her again.
The moment our hands separated though, she snapped awake.
“Shadow.” She looked over her shoulder at me, eyes wide and fearful as her hand scrambled for mine again. “Where are you going? Don’t leave me.”
“I’m not, love. I’m just—“ My other palm found her cheek, mouth trailing over hers in a ghost of a kiss. “I’ll be close. You need to rest.”
Mari’s grip wound tightly around my forearm, all the fear from the day’s events seeming to hit her hard now that the adrenaline wore off. “Please don’t leave me. I don’t want to be alone.”
“I can get someone—“
“No, I want you.” She turned over, a pained groan escaping her with the movement of her injured leg. But she was kissing me before I could tell her to be careful.
“Mari,” I sighed, sinking into the soft presses of her lips more than I should have. “I can’t stay. It’s not safe for you.”
“You’ve kept me safe all day,” she whispered, hands trailing over my neck and face. “Please, Shadow. I only want you here.”
“Mari, please understand—“
“Please don’t leave me.”
Even if I moved to leave, her grip around my hand threatened to hold on anyway. With a heavy swallow, I lowered back to the mattress and let her nestle into me. Her eyelids fell closed and her body relaxed again, but I kept my eyes open, focusing on the falcon staring at us from the tree outside the window.
I would not close my eyes. I wouldn’t fall asleep.
I’d never sleep another day if it meant keeping her out of danger.
Nineteen
REAPER
Istuck a cigarette in my mouth only to have it immediately yanked away by my mother. She just glared at my disapproving grunt. “Not in the house. You want to be a chimney, do it outside.”
“Fine.”
I started to roll up from my parents’ couch when my dad’s palm smacked my shoulder, shoving me back down to the cushions. “What are you, eighteen? You don’t speak to your mother that way.” His glare was murderous.
My impulse was to shove him right back, make him get the fuck out of my face so I could go smoke in peace. But if the last miserable several weeks had taught me anything, it was that I shouldn’t give in to my impulses. All it ever did was hurt the people around me. So I clenched my hands against the desire to lash out, and looked at my mother.
“I’m sorry, ma. I’ll be outside.”
My parents’ stares felt like the tips of knives on my back, another weight to balance precariously on top of everything else. First the alliance, then the losses at the skirmish, then Mari leaving without a word, and now, more of my own men dead.
I feared the worst when I saw Jandro riding back into town alone, with only a bloodied, limp Slick on the back of his bike. Gunner and I zipped through town, clearing the way for Slick to get rushed to the hospital. The medics told us he might not have lasted another hour, but they were able to stabilize him. That was the only silver lining to that dark cloud.
