Page 67 of Senseless
“Shadow, why? What’s wrong?” I held his face, making him look at me. “I’ve loved you even since before—“
“No.” He shook his head, his jaw clenched hard. “Don’t tell me that. Don’t…feel that way for me, please.”
“Too late,” I whispered. “I already do.” He just kept shaking his head, the hurt and rejection making me blurt out, “You don’t feel the same for me.”
That caused him to stop and look at me. “No, that’s not it at all.” He looked at my hands like he wanted to grab them again. “I do…I do feel the same way.”
“Then what is it?”
He looked to be struggling so much, like he was fighting against something that was clawing to come out of him.
“You don’t…know me.” Shadow’s voice was small, hesitant. “You don’t know what led to the me you see now, all of this.” He rubbed a hand over his arm, scars running over scars. “And I’m scared to death of you knowing that part of me.”
I scooted closer in small movements, his eyes watching me like a wary animal backed into a corner. “If I told you nothing will change how I feel, would you believe me?”
“I want to.” He pulled in a deep breath. “More than anything, I want to believe that.”
“Then trust me.” I placed a hand on top of his, threading through his scarred fingers. “If you feel the same way about me, please take this chance. Trust that I would never hold your past against you.”
He stared straight ahead, his hand passive in mine as he spent a few long moments thinking. Finally, his fingers curled around mine in a light squeeze. “I’ll tell Doc to meet us in the basement.”
I stoodoff to the side as Doc methodically shackled Shadow into the metal chair, like they’d done this dozens of times before.
“Are the restraints really necessary?” I asked.
“I don’t think so, at this point,” Doc answered cheerily. “But Ivan insists on it. The therapy works best when the patient is at ease, so I do as he asks.”
“The first couple times, I would have been violent if I wasn’t restrained,” Shadow muttered. “It’s not a risk I’m willing to take.”
Doc tossed a smile my way at that. “I take it you’ve heard this before?”
“A few times,” I said with a returned smile.
“Okay, Ivan.” Doc reached into his shirt pocket and produced a string tied through a coin with a hole in the center. “Are you ready?”
“Yes.”
I folded my arms, leaning against a side table as I watched with fascination. Doc stood off to the side, holding the string in front of Shadow’s eyes as he began to swing the coin back and forth like a pendulum.
“Begin to take deep breaths.” Doc’s voice took on a soothing, even tone. “Match your inhales and exhales with each swing of the pendulum.”
Shadow’s broad chest rose and fell with each breath, his gaze fixated on the coin.
“Very good. I’m going to start counting backwards from ten. With each number, your eyes are going to get heavier, and your gaze is going to turn inward. Ten…nine…”
Shadow’s eyelids drooped, his breaths remaining steady and even while the older man counted. Doc hadn’t even reached the number one when he put away the pendulum. Shadow had already reached a hypnotic state. By the time he finished counting, Shadow appeared to be asleep sitting up in the chair, his eyes closed and breaths deep and even.
“Can you tell us where you are, Ivan?” Doc asked after a few silent moments.
“My name is Shadow.”
The declaration made me jump. It was still his voice, yet completely different. He sounded younger, more timid.
Doc however, didn’t seem fazed. He just smiled. “Alright, Shadow. Can you tell us where you are?”
“I’m in my prison cell.” Shadow tipped his head back as if to lean it against the wall behind him.
“The one you grew up in?”
