Page 71 of Senseless
“I hope he feels that way with me.” I spun my glass idly on the bar. “It’s the least he deserves after everything he’s been through.”
Doc reached for one of my hands and clasped it with friendly affection. “His mind is stronger than he believes. And with each passing day in a healthy, supportive environment, he heals a little bit more. All he really needs is that constant, gentle reminder that he matters. That he is a person worthy of love and care.”
I nodded, returning the squeeze of his hand. “I’ll do my best to remind him of that every day.”
Twenty-Two
SHADOW
Iwoke with a start, my legs kicking out with a falling sensation before I jolted upright. My heart pounded as the room snapped into focus. Chairs and furniture remained in their places, nothing broken or scattered on the floor.
Another day of no damage. That was good.
Before I could sag with relief, my eyes landed on Mari sitting at my desk with one of my borrowed library books in her hands.
“Good morning,” she greeted me.
“Why are you in here?” I snapped instead of returning her greeting. “I told you it’s not safe—“
“Your therapist disagrees,” she returned snippily, shutting the book.
“My therapist,” I repeated. “You mean Doc?”
“Is there anyone else giving you hypnotherapy sessions?” she teased.
I rubbed my hands down my face with a groan, both to finish waking up and also to block myself from seeing her. “No, I guess not.”
Dochadtold me the chance of me acting out my dreams again was unlikely. The lingering fear that it stillcouldhappen never abated, however. Even a one-percent chance felt like too much.
Now that my surroundings and Mari had survived the night without harm, a different fear was riding me hard. For the first time since meeting Mari, I wanted to shrink away, to put as much distance between us as possible. To become small and invisible until she would forget me.
She had been there. She asked me questions, and I answered her. I told her everything and now she knew. She was one of two people alive who knew how I turned out this way, and why.
I was dying to know, and yet terrified to find out what she was thinking, looking at me from across the room like that. Would my worst fear be confirmed, and she was here to tell me we couldn’t be together after all? Or was everything she said true—that she loved me before and still did?
I wasn’t ready to feel the hurt that would cut through me if it was the former, nor did I dare hope for the latter. So I sat in the middle, caught between the two outcomes that awaited me, until I couldn’t stand not knowing anymore.
“Well?” I said, filling the oppressive silence that expanded between us. “You know my past now. Has…has anything changed?”
Mari took a deep, shaky breath, like she was composing herself. I expected that.
I did not expect the tears that followed.
“Shadow…” She hiccuped and sobbed with great gasping breaths and I forgot about everything else.
“Mari.” I shoved back the sheets and got out of bed, thankfully still dressed, and went to her. My knees hit the floor in front of her as I took her face in my hands, brushing away her tears with my thumbs. “What’s wrong?”
“They…” she breathed shakily, “…hurtyou.”
Her fingers went to my face, shoving back my hair and stroking over my skin like she’d done so many times before. But she was seeing me differently now and it made dread pool in my gut like a well of poison.
“They did this to you,” she sniffed, hands moving over me, tracing my scars. “Fuck, you were just a kid. A baby! You should have been loved and all they did was hurt you. Your own mother hurt you…”
I stopped her, taking her hands from me and gently pressing them between my palms. “I’m sorry that I upset you.”
“Upset me? No, Shadow.” She shook her head and leaned forward until her forehead touched mine. “I just hate that someone I love had to suffer so much.”
My breath froze in my chest, rendering me as still as a statue. Did she really just say that? She couldn’t have. Not after everything I had told her, everything she now knew about me.
