Page 86 of Senseless
“Reaper can see through the dead now? I used to see through Horus, but now I can’t anymore? Hearing voices and obeying commands?” My hands flailed at my sides. “I mean, we’ve all been kind ofwhateverabout gods coming into our lives over the past few months, but now we’re on the brink of war and it’s just like, hey we got superhuman abilities, that oughta help!”
“You picked a hell of a time to have an existential crisis,” Jandro scoffed.
“Why now?” I continued. “Why us, of all the fucking people who can actually make a difference in the world? Like, I’m starting to wonder if we’re being used for something bigger than us.”
“Maybe.” Jandro shrugged. “But that kind of stuff might be beyond our scope of things, right?”
“They don’t want us to lose, but why does that even fucking matter?” I stabbed my fingers through my hair, releasing a frustrated groan. “If they’re gods, why the fuck do they care if Tash lays waste to Four Corners? If they’re above this petty human shit, why are they even here?”
“Dude.” Jandro shook his head. “You need to chill the fuck out. The last thing we need is your head exploding, double-brain-celled as it may be.”
“Actually I think it’s a perfect time to freak out, I’ve been fucking chill all this time.” I pressed the heels of my palms into my eyes. “To be honest, I don’t know how Reaper’s seeing through the dead even helps us. It’s been over three weeks and there’s still no sign of Mari—“
“She’ll come back.” Jandro’s voice dropped to a growl, all humor gone. “She will. She has to.”
“After how me and Reap treated her, I don’t blame her if she’s just gone.” I sighed, closing my eyes with my palm against my forehead.
I felt so heavy with regret and guilt over not listening to her. Especially with this foreboding sense that gods were using us for something beyond saving people and ending senseless violence. The outcome of this war was important to them, and fuck me if I could figure out why.
“I’m going for a ride,” I muttered, sliding off the car hood and heading for the open bay door.
“Careful out there,” Jandro called.
“I know,Dad.”
We’d already seen glimpses of scouts creeping in closer from Blakeworth and Jerriton. After Slick and Jandro got ambushed, these fuckers just seemed to get bolder. They stayed in neutral territory for now, but tiptoed closer to our borders with each passing day.
One of General Bray’s men even shot down more drones coming from Tash’s direction. They didn’t carry weapons or explosives, but the cameras on them had already been wiped by the time we inspected them. They must have programmed to send back any images they captured and then delete the storage.
Shit like that made me feel like we were cavemen, fighting with sticks and spears against guns and bombs. Reaper was optimistic about his newfound ability, but it was still limiting in my view. T-Bone’s raven could provide us with an aerial view to a point, but his bird didn’t have nearly the eyesight Horus has. We were still limited, disadvantaged.
And war was coming for us within a matter of weeks, if not days.
This leisurely ride around the territory could very well be my last, so I needed to make it count.
My bike was already painted to blend with the landscape, and I physically cringed as I got on. Jandro was right about them being ugly.
I took off with no destination in mind, just following where the road led me. The landscape was beautiful, turning a golden-orange with the late afternoon sun. I wished to be able to enjoy it, but everything just felt fucking wrong.
Mari wasn’t here. The absence of her grew vast and overwhelming with every passing day that she wasn’t here. How was I supposed to figure out how to win a war without my reason for everything by my side? I hadn’t been able to think straight since she came home from the hospital that night, all the hurt and anger on her face upon seeing Shadow’s empty room. How I was supposed to strategize and inspire our army to victory when I’d let my own world crumble before my eyes?
The beauty of my surroundings might as well have been an ash-covered wasteland. It was going to become exactly that in a matter of weeks, anyway.
I reached a bend in the road and turned around, heading back to the city. Less than a mile on my way back, the sky began to darken, like night was falling or a storm had started to roll in. But the sky remained clear of clouds and dusk was still hours away. It simply gotdark.
A chill ran over my skin, all my hair follicles raised at the cold, heavy presence in the air.
“What’s happening?” The words were lost, whispered under the roar of my engine, butsomethinganswered.
AHAHAHAHAHAAAA! HAAAA-HAAAHAHAHAHA!
I nearly lost control of the bike with how hard my head rang. It felt like something was loose inside my skull and rattling around. Pain exploded behind my eyes, my temples throbbing like they were being crushed in a vice. The laughter was unhinged, maniacal and wild like the Joker from the old Batman cartoons. And it would not stop.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAA!
“Stop, stop!” I slapped a hand to the side of my head, the sensation of wetness immediately coating my palm. I pulled my hand away to see the smear of blood that came from my ears.
Gotta get back…warn them.My own thoughts were drowned out by the nonstop, crazed laughing in my head. It felt like someone else had taken up residence in my mind and was shooting up everything with a machine gun, an invader laughing with victory over newly claimed territory.
