Page 92 of Senseless
“It’s okay.” I gave him a tight smile over my shoulder, but found myself feeling bashful at how intensely he looked at me. “Gives me something to take my mind off looming chaos and destruction, you know?”
“Right,” he said with a forced scoff, but stayed hovering behind me.
I returned my attention to washing the dishes, unsure of what else to do under his heavy gaze. A few agonizingly long seconds passed, and it seemed like neither of us could handle the tension any longer.
“Reaper—“ I started to turn to him.
“Mari—“ He said my name at the same time, reaching for my hand. “Go ahead,” he urged with a small nod of his head.
“No, you.” I brushed my hand alongside his, my heartbeat accelerating at the contact. “I’m…not even sure what I want to say.”
Reaper pulled in a deep breath, his fingers curling around mine for a loose, gentle hold. “Whatever Shadow needs, I’m willing to help. I’ll listen to you, and to him. I know it’s not worth much right now, but you have my word.” His grip tightened on my hand just slightly. “And I have been taking the consequences to my actions into account since realizing how wrong I was. Not just in personal matters, but everything.”
I listened with rapt attention, watching his full lips move and seeing the sincerity in his eyes as he spoke. I swallowed, nodding as my pulse stabilized just slightly.
“Thank you for saying that.”
My fingers stretched for release, the heat from him too intense, and he removed his grip quickly. I wrung my hands in front of me instead, dropping my gaze from his.
Who am I?I used to have no problem standing up to him, telling him exactly what I thought with no filter. I didn’t recognize this meek, insecure person I turned into, only in front of him.
He hurt me and I’m still licking my wounds.
“Wait,” I said just as Reaper was about to turn away.
He spun back around, hope bright in his green eyes. “Yes?”
“I…” My throat clammed up and I forced out breath before trying again. “I…haven’t given up…on us. I just—I just need time. I don’t want to be angry at you anymore, it’s just…”
“It’s okay, Mari.” He returned to stand directly in front of me, feet nearly touching mine. “This is on me to fix.” Reaper reached for one of my hands tentatively again, allowing plenty of slack for me to pull away if I wanted to. “It’s on me to earn your trust again. To—“ His voice cracked and he swallowed. “To win back your love again.”
My next breath released a little more of the painful ache in my chest, and I lightly squeezed his fingers. “One day at a time, right?”
“Absolutely.” Reaper smiled and sent my heart fluttering again. He was always so broody and serious, I forgot how beautiful his genuine smiles were. “For now, I’m just happy you’re home safe. And that you’re talking to me again.”
“Me too.”
I kept still as he leaned down slowly, giving me every opportunity to move or stop him. But I had no desire to. I even lifted my chin slightly, so his kiss could land on my forehead.
It wasn’t much, and he didn’t try for more. But that small, sweet gesture took me one step closer to healing.
To forgiving.
Twenty-Eight
SHADOW
“Come in,” I said to the knock at my door, setting down the pieces of my tattoo machine.
The door swung open to show Reaper standing hesitantly in my doorway. “Hey. Mari said she’s fine with this room, given that, you know, it changes up a little.” His eyes swept over my furniture. “Which I can see you’ve already done.”
“It wasn’t difficult,” I said, leaning away from my desk. “Jandro and I did it in an afternoon.”
The desk had now been pushed against the opposite wall as before, just below the window. It worked out better this way. I liked using natural light when I sketched tattoos. My bed, dresser, and side tables had all been shifted to different walls and configurations too. It felt like a completely different room from before, one that I hoped Mari would feel safe spending time with me in.
“Good. Great.” Reaper leaned a forearm against the door jam. “And we can still trade rooms later, if Mari ever changes her mind.”
“Sure.” I watched him, his body language curious to me. “I’m sure she knows that.”
