Page 30 of Merciless
That became evident with the Sha’s knowing, parting smile as the illusion of Mari disappeared. What I felt next wasn’t the cramping hunger in my stomach, the weakness in my limbs, or the dryness in my throat.
It was the constant, gnawing ache of not seeing her face anymore.
I woke with a start,gasping like my lungs could never get enough air. A cough wracked through my chest. Unlike Reaper’s wet, hacking cough, my lungs and throat felt dryer than the desert. I knew I was dehydrated—I’d been giving him most of my water. It had been nearly a decade since I had to, but I knew how to ration water so that I could survive on very little.
I looked around for my bowl, eager for just a little water to soothe my cough, then spotted it turned over across the dungeon near the door.
Oh fuck, the Sha.
My legs drew up toward my stomach at the memory, the dream, hallucination, or whatever it was. The Sha might not have been able to break in and control me yet, but heknewhow much I loved Mari. He knew she was my one exploitable weakness, and pulled no punches in letting my guard down. And fuck me, I almost did.
I couldn’t even process how violating that encounter felt. That it kept making me touch the illusion of my wife, that it knew exactly what she felt and looked like, all from information in my own head. Information that it had no right to see.
What I hated most of all was how right the Sha had been. I had been so happy to see her, to hear her voice, and feel her skin exactly how I remembered her. It scared me how much I wanted that, what I was willing to give just to see Mari’s face again.
“No,” I said aloud to myself. “It’s not her. She would never want me to do this. I’m not an instrument. I won’t be used.”
This is how they will break us, I realized. For Reaper, they intended to break him down physically. They knew I wouldn’t respond to pain, so for me, the torture would be all mental.
“Oh fuck. Reaper!”
He was still lying in the same position as the guards left him in. Shit, how long had that been, hours? A full day? Coagulated blood surrounded his body and I couldn’t tell if he was breathing.
“Reaper!” I called to him, my panic rising to an all-time high. “Reaper, wake up. Do something to show me you’re still there.”
He remained silent and eerily still.
“Reaper!” I shouted again, pulling at my chains to get closer. “Wake up, president. I need you.” When there was still no change, I tried his given name. “Rory! Rory Daley, wake up now! Get up and punch me in the face for calling you that. You know you want to.”
I yelled and shouted his name until I was hoarse, his name a desperate whisper of disbelief as I slumped back against my wall. No, it couldn’t be. He was my president, for fuck’s sake. I was supposed to die before him.
I couldn’t tear my eyes away from his body, dumbfounded by the utter lack of movement. He couldn’t be dead. It wasn’tright.My own breathing, an erratic sawing of air in and out of my chest, grew painful while I just stared at him. Like even my lungs knew how unfair it was for me to be alive if he was dead.
Only the metal clanking of a key through our cell door drew my eyes away. The door creaked noisily open and a familiar, black-clad figure slipped inside.
“You,” I rasped at the Sha’s female guard, the one who gave Reaper water and washed his face before.
“Shhh,” she hissed at me, making her way to where Reaper lay. Her eyes looked like they were narrowed in annoyance above her mask. “I would have come sooner if you’d have stopped screaming his name,” she whispered.
I didn’t give a shit about blowing her cover right then. He needed help hours ago. “Is he…”
She carefully rolled Reaper to his back. The limp flopping of his hands at his sides made me feel sick. I held my breath as she brought her ear down next to his mouth.
“He’s alive,” she reported, and the air left me in a big whoosh. “But barely,” she added with a finger on the pulse at his neck. “He won’t survive another beating.”
“Is there anything you can do?” My voice was heavy with desperation. I didn’t know who this woman was. She could have been just another player in a game set up by the Sha, giving us false hope to break us even more. But I didn’t care. Maybe I was already losing mentally because I was ready to cling on to anything.
“The others won’t touch him,” she said. “Not until he becomes conscious again or dies first.”
“Can you get him out of here?” I asked. “Get him to a medic, anyone who will stabilize him?Please.”
“No. I’m sorry.” The woman shook her head. “I’ll be discovered if I try anything. I shouldn’t even be in here.”
I stared at her, helpless and confused. “Whoareyou? How are you getting by undetected at all?”
Because of me.
A voice brushed against my mind, sparking up the musty air in the dungeon. That was a familiar sensation now, but the last thing I expected to hear in this hellhole was a new god speaking.
