Page 64 of Merciless
I gave a half-hearted chuckle at his attempt at a joke and decided to pry a little deeper. We had no secrets between us anymore.
"And mental health-wise?" I broached, trying not to sound like I was preparing for the worst.
But if there was ever going to be a setback to all his progress, a week of being tortured in a dungeon would probably do it.
"Oh, uh." Shadow looked surprised but not offended by the question. "I...think I'm okay." He frowned, thinking about it some more. "Not that anyone would beokayafter that but it's like..." He paused, looking at me. "This might sound weird."
"Spill it, my man. You know I've heard it all from you."
He swallowed and continued, "It's almost like my early life prepared me for this."
I leaned back, sucking my breath through my teeth. "Okay, yeah, that is a weird thing to say."
"Physical torture," he lifted a shoulder in a nonchalant shrug, "it's nothing to me now. I knew how to ration my food and water, to conserve my energy in a cramped space. And I was able to..." He swallowed again. "Keep the brunt of the torture of off Reaper in the beginning."
"I get it. You're saying you knew how to survive because of what you'd been through. That you'd already been through worse. Fuck, you probably saved Reaper's life."
"No, that was the snake." Shadow shook his head. "Mentally...it wasn't like before, but I'm not sure how long I would have lasted. If Reaper had died, if you guys hadn't come when you did..."
"Mari told us about the choice her mom gave you," I said gently.
Shadow's fingers clenched in surprise. "She did?"
"For what it's worth, man," I crossed my arms in front of my chest, "I'm sure I would have done the same in your position. Shit, I bet any of us would."
Shadow's hand relaxed. "Thanks, Jandro. It really felt like there were no other options." He scrubbed a hand down his face with a dry laugh. "Fuck, maybe I'm not okay."
"And that is also okay." I stepped up to clap him on the shoulder. "We'll get through it, man. We're family."
"Yeah." The tension eased out of him slowly.
"You been sleeping?"
"Yeah, like the dead."
"Well that's a good sign, yeah?"
"Yeah," he repeated, nodding. "And I know what to do if that changes."
"Fuck yeah you do." I grinned at him. “And you've got people here to support you."
"I do," he whispered dreamily, like he still couldn't believe thatthiswas his reality.
I thumped him on the shoulder again. "You want anything from the house?"
"Food," he said immediately. "The shit they feed us here is bullshit."
"Alright, you big baby. How many tacos you want?"
"Ten. Actually, no, better make it fifteen."
"Jesus, you trying to hibernate for the winter or what?"
"Those tortillas you use are really small."
"In your big mitts they are," I laughed, heading for the door.
"Scrambled eggs too, please," he called after me, grinning, but I knew he was serious. Eggs from my girls were gifts fit for gods.
