Page 4 of Endless
“Oh, fine. I only had a couple.”
Shadow had cut his drinking back to almost nothing since I’d been pregnant with the twins. He didn’t drink at all most days now and only indulged a little when we threw parties. He said it was because he wanted to be present at all times for the kids. Not that he waseverunaware of his surroundings, but since becoming a dad, he took hypervigilance to a whole new level.
I wiggled my ass on his morning wood to tease him, earning a throaty groan for my effort. “You’re allowed to let loose, you know.”
“I did,” he protested, clamping a hand down on my hip to still me. “I had fun. And it was good to seeyoulet loose before you start official doctor duties.”
I reached back, threading my fingers through his long black hair to find purchase on his neck. “I’m glad you had fun.”
“I always do when you and the kids are happy.”
The smile I wore threatened to split my face. My chest sparked and fluttered as I spun in his arms to face him. Even after nearly a decade together, these men spurred these reactions in me. If anything, my love for them ran deeper now than when we were in the thick of war together.
Shadow kissed me deeply, pressing me down into the mattress as we lazily rolled together. We knew each other’s bodies so well now. I had kissed every scar on him hundreds of times over, had him permanently mapped out and imprinted in my mind. He had only grown more attentive and loving as years passed. The violence had bled out of him long before he held our twins for the first time, leaving behind one of the most devoted fathers and husbands I’d ever seen.
Shadow’s mouth fell to my neck, his strong thighs nudging my legs apart so he could settle between them, when a thumping at the bedroom door startled us both.
“Mommy!” Rori yelled from the other side, palm insistently slapping the door. “Mommy, wake up!”
Shadow inhaled sharply as he lifted away, but before either of us could say anything, we heard Gunner coming up the stairs. “Hey, what are you doing? Mommy’s sleeping. Come have breakfast.”
“But I want to show her my…”
Rori’s voice faded as Gunner took her back downstairs. Shadow and I held our breaths, glanced at each once, then burst into soft laughter.
“Isn’t parenting everything you’ve ever dreamed of?” I teased, curling into his side.
“Everything and so much more,” he sighed, caressing a hand down my back.
I propped my chin on his chest to look at him, my curiosity now piqued. “Really? You were so worried in the beginning.”
“I’m still worried. Every day there’s something new to worry about.” He flashed a sheepish smile. “At first, my worries were mostly to do with you.”
“You mean, the pregnancy.”
“Mmhm. Just pregnancy in general, at first. Then when we found out they were twins, well, that scared me to death.”
“Me too, actually,” I confessed. “I never imagined having twins. There’s none in my family or anything.”
“And you still wanted a natural birth,” Shadow teased, playing with the ends of my hair.
“Absolutely! I mean, they were healthy, and the decision just felt right. Call it maternal instinct or whatever, but I knew it was the right way to deliver them.”
“Maybe it was the divine feminine in you.” Shadow brushed a kiss across my forehead. “The aspect of Freyja that’s part of you.”
Something clicked into place when he said that. I hadn’t consciously felt the goddess since she stopped possessing my body all those years ago, but it made total sense.
“I bet you’re right,” I said in an awed whisper. As exhausting and uncomfortable that carrying two babies had been, it had been a surprisingly easy pregnancy. My water broke at just past thirty-seven weeks, which was considered full-term for twins. Daren came into the world first, and Rori followed four minutes later. They were small, as twins tended to be, but absolutely perfect. The guys and I rushed to the hospital in the early morning and came home with our children that same evening.
“Once they were born, and I knew you were okay,” Shadow went on. “That made room for a whole slew of new worries to pop up.”
“Because they were our fragile, precious, screaming, pooping infants we were all now responsible for keeping alive?”
“That was part of it.” Shadow’s wry smile faded, and he went quiet.
I snuggled into him, peppering kisses on his neck and running light caresses over him to reassure him. “What else?”
He hesitated a moment longer before answering. “That if either of them were biologically mine, the possibility that they might’ve…inherited something from me.” At my narrow-eyed stare, he elaborated. “Or from my mother, or father, even. I don’t know what that would be exactly, but something bad.”
