Page 127 of Their Property
I was confused, lonely, upset. And so fucking bored. I started acting out, yelling and fighting with my mother because I was cooped up and bored out of my skull. This devastated her, and she would cry while telling me she was protecting me, that my life depended on it. I should have listened, but I didn’t.
I kept fighting with her, and when someone came to investigate the noise, this other woman was stunned to see that I was in fact a son and not a daughter. My mother was beside herself. She begged and cried for the other woman not to tell the elders.
I didn’t know why it was so serious. I had no idea.
The other woman was a friend of my mother’s and seemed to take pity on her. She agreed not to tell, but issued a warning.
“His voice is going to start changing,” the other woman said. “You won’t be able to keep him safe forever, unless you silence him for good.”
I was sent to bed while the two of them discussed in whispers. I barely slept that night, but I imagine the two of them went into great detail about how to “silence” me, because I woke up with my arms, legs, and forehead strapped down.
Kyrie stopped reading then,her chest heaving with anxious breaths as she looked up at me. “Grudge, I don’t know if I can keep reading this. Your own mother…she took away your ability to speak?”
I grabbed the notepad from the nightstand.It’s a painful memory, but I’m not angry at her for it anymore. She did it because she thought it would protect me.
“Why did she keep you hidden away? This community, it sounds unhinged.”
I nodded and released a heavy sigh as I wrote.It is. You’ll see why if you decide to keep reading.
Kyrie leaned her head back on my shoulder. “Okay, just give me a minute.” She looked at me, eyes bright and passionate. “If you went through it, the least I can do is read about it.”
I shook my head and scribbled out,No. I never want pain for you. If it’s too much, stop. You have a right to know, but I won’t force it on you.
She kissed my cheek. “You’re sweet. That’s why you’re mine.”
I caught her lips with mine, savoring the sweet presses for a few moments before she continued reading.
I’msure you can gather what happened next. I fell in and out of consciousness, but I remember choking on blood, trying to scream, and thrashing with all my might to escape. When I came to, my mouth felt all wrong. Everything was sore and aching, and at first, I thought I’d had my teeth removed. Then I realized I couldn’t call out to my mother.
A tear rolleddown Kyrie’s cheek, and I wiped it away. She sniffed and took a deep breath, but continued to read.
My mother was sobbingin the corner of the room. There was blood everywhere. She took one look at me and looked away. She kept saying how sorry she was, that she had to.
And I still didn’t understand, because even after I started healing, life carried on like normal. I was still hidden away in our room, forbidden from leaving or seeing anyone except her. And now, I couldn’t say anything. I couldn’t tell my mother I was hungry, thirsty, or that my mouth was hurting again.
As time went on, she barely spoke to or acknowledged me. She’d take one look at me and start crying again. When I tried to get her attention, she would shove me away. All she ever said was that she had to, she did it to keep me safe. Maybe that was true, but I ended up more alone than ever before.
I was fed up with being stuck in the same room, and I no longer trusted my mother. So I snuck out and started exploring. I stayed hidden and mainly watched the community’s women doing everyday chores. Cooking, farming, laundry. I never saw a single man.
One day, I ran into a girl about my age. Or rather, she caught me sneaking around. She spoke to me using her hands and over a few months, taught me to communicate in the same way. Her name was Charlie, and she was my first friend.
I was ecstatic. Finally, I had someone to talk to besides my mother. And I could actually talk to her without needing my mouth! I learned ASL as voraciously as I could and practiced the hand gestures in bed at night when my mother was asleep.
Kyrie smiledas she read about me and Charlie, but seeing as I knew what happened next, I couldn’t share that small joy.
I wasvoracious for any and all information and peppered Charlie constantly with questions. Why did she speak with her hands? Where were all the men?
Charlie told me an accident when she was a baby caused her to lose her hearing. Her earliest memory was of her and her mom, who was pregnant, running away from a bad man who had something to do with her hearing loss. They came here, and she learned ASL from another deaf woman in the community.
‘Do you have a brother or sister?’ I had asked her. ‘What about the baby in your mom’s belly?’
Charlie got really quiet then and didn’t sign anything for a long time. She looked really sad and I got worried. Finally, she said, ‘My baby brother is in heaven so he wouldn’t become a bad man.’ She looked at me and said, ‘All boys grow up to be bad men. That’s why they’re not allowed here.’
‘That’s not true,’ I told her. ‘I’m your friend. I’m not bad.’
‘No, you’re not bad. I like you. The other girls don’t like me because I can’t join their conversations.’
‘We’re both different,’ I said. ‘That’s why we’re friends.’
