Page 10 of Faithless
“Just good?” Jandro hadn’t seen my face yet, since he was stretching a roll of chicken wire across some posts which Reaper held steady. “Did you get Lily to dance on the bartop? Get Bryce to flash his titties?”
Reaper grimaced. “Ugh, God. Why, Jandro? Nobody wants to see that.”
Mom was the only one who noticed my expression, and she pinned me with her knowing doctor’s stare. “Rori, is something wrong?”
My dads instantly stopped what they were doing and whipped around to face me.
“I’m fine!” That annoying, fake squeak entered my voice again as I fought to keep my eyes away from the fence. “I just wanted to talk to Mom real quick.”
“Ah, girl stuff?” Jandro’s worried face relaxed with the question, though Reaper was still scowling.
“Yes, girl stuff,” I confirmed. Mom was a gynecologist, so I’d talked to her privately about “girl stuff” plenty of times in my life. Of course, that had nothing to do with hallucinations of birds following me everywhere, but as a medical professional, she would know what steps to take, at least.
“Here.” Mom handed the chicken she’d been holding to Reaper. “Take Mimi while us girls chat.”
He grunted in protest but cradled the chicken to his chest, who had woken up from the commotion with a few annoyed clucks. I knew he didn’t care for raising them, that was mostly Jandro’s domain, with some help from Mom. But like everyone else in our household, Reaper loved fresh eggs for breakfast, so he didn’t complain. Much.
“Oh, before I forget.” I snapped my fingers, turning to Jandro. “Daren wants another carton of eggs.”
My father made a dismissive noise while rolling up the excess chicken wire and putting his tools away. “Tell that boy to come get them himself. He never comes over anymore.”
“Let him be.” Reaper slapped Jandro’s back with his free hand. “Daren’s a man, about to get married. Let him enjoy his independence.” He kissed my forehead and squeezed my shoulder as he walked by me. “Love you, sugar cube. Hope everything’s alright.”
“He can enjoy his independence and still come over to see his dads once in a while! Sheesh,” Jandro kept grumbling as they went into the house.
Once it was just me and my mother, my defenses immediately began to crumble. “Mom…” I choked out. It was getting harder to breathe. My chest and throat seemed to tighten and close up with panic.
She was right there, as she’d always been. Her arms went around me in a protective embrace. Because I was a few inches taller, she pulled my head to shoulder and petted my hair, kissing my forehead. “Let’s sit down, sweetheart. Everything’s going to be fine.”
I allowed her to lead me to a bench, feeling like a child again as she soothed me. Everything seemed to be hitting me right then. I was so confused, so scared.
“Take a deep breath. Slowly,” she said, gently rocking me. “You’re breathing. You’re healthy. You’re not dying. I’m right here. No matter what’s going on, you will be fine, Rori.” When I calmed down enough to finally speak, she said, “Whenever you’re ready, I’m listening.”
“I’m…I think I might be schizophrenic or something,” I blurted out. Not the most eloquent thing to say, but my mind was all kinds of jumbled. “Mom, I’m really scared.”
The powerful, calming tone of her voice didn’t change. “What makes you think that, sweetheart?” Her palm passed up and down my back in soothing, repetitive patterns.
“I’ve been having hallucinations. It started last night, and I thought I drank too much. But it kept happening this morning.” I lifted my head from her shoulder, staring into my mother’s bright hazel eyes. “Mom, am I gonna have to be committed?”
“One thing at a time, love.” She cupped my cheeks, holding my gaze on her. “Have these been visual hallucinations? Auditory?”
“Both,” I said.
“Are you hallucinating right now?”
I shifted my gaze to look past her, where the white dove now stared at me from atop the chicken coop. “Yes. I keep seeing the same white dove since last night. It followed me from the bar to Daren’s house, then from there to here.” I closed my eyes, wishing my brain would stop fucking with me. “I know it’s not real. I just want it to stop.”
My mom was silent for a long time.I just knew she was trying to tell me in the gentlest way she could that Iwouldhave to be committed and likely on a cocktail of medications for the rest of my life. Of course, she couldn’t diagnose me herself since it wasn’t her field, but one of her colleagues would.
The worst part was knowing that it probably wouldn’t be safe for me to ride, and that was absolutely heartbreaking. I was only twenty-three, for fuck’s sake! I didn’t knowwhatexactly, but there was so much I wanted to do with my life.
Eventually, my mom said, “Are you talking about the white dove on top of the chicken coop?”
My eyes snapped open in shock. “You see it too?”
“Yes.” Her voice hardened to one I didn’t recognize. “I can see it, Rori.”
I felt a huge rush of relief and then more confusion. If she could see it too, then I wasn’t hallucinating! But then…what the fuck?
