Page 23 of Faithless
He nodded, sitting up higher.
I crossed the room and sat down on his comforter, completely at a loss of what to tell him. I’d half-hoped to just kiss him and say goodbye like with Lucia. I figured our parents would tell him the most difficult parts, if they felt he was ready.
“I have to go away for a little while,” was what eventually came out. “But I’ll be back.”
“Go where?” Nolan’s eyes narrowed. “For how long?”
“I’m not sure about either of those things,” I admitted. “There’s a lot I don’t know other than that this is an important job that I have to do.”
“Is it, like, dangerous?”
“Maybe.” I couldn’t find it in me to lie to him. “But Torr’s coming with me. So I’ll be okay.” I brushed my knuckles against his jaw in an effort to wipe away his frown. “Don’t worry. Your big sis can handle it.”
“What aren’t you telling me?” he demanded. The poor kid couldn’t standnotknowing things, and I felt for him. I hated keeping him in the dark, but I also wasn’t his parent. I didn’t even fully know what I was getting into, so I had no idea how much was safe to tell him.
“A lot. And I’m sorry for that.” I ruffled his hair, and he slapped my hand away in annoyance. “Mom and Dads will be able to tell you more.”
“Yeah, right.” Nolan grunted, flopping back down in bed. “They never tell me anything.”
“They will,” I said. “When you’re older.” Our parents hadn’t really opened up to Daren and I about their war stories until we were eighteen, going into our early twenties. Looking back now, I understood why. Those weren’t stories for kids, not even smart teenagers.
“But you’re leaving now, right?” Nolan asked. “Why do I have to be older to know why my big sister is leaving right now?”
Tears sprung to my eyes, and I quickly blinked them away. Fuck, this was hard. I knew where he was coming from. Shit, I could still remember being fifteen myself and feeling like everything was so unfair. He was frustrated, and that wasn’t his fault. As badly as I wanted to alleviate that for him, I knew protecting him was more important.
Maybe the battles my parents fought couldn’t fully protect me. But ifmybattles could protect Nolan and Lucia, then I would do whatever it took.
“Listen, big guy.” I fought to keep my voice steady. “I love you, okay? And this will all make sense one day, I promise. But right now, all you need to know is that this is something thatIneed to do. For you and Luce.”
Nolan just made an annoyed noise, turning to face the wall away from me. I tried not to take offense to it. He didn’t know how serious this was, what Torr and I would be risking. All he was thinking about was that he was being left out of the loop. And he wasn’t wrong.
Steeling myself, I stood up from the bed and repeated the words Daren had said to me over the phone. “See you when I get back.”
When I left his room, Torr and my parents were already gathered outside. Torr sat on his motorcycle next to mine, his engine already humming gently. One by one, each of my fathers walked up to hug me and offer final words of wisdom.
“Eat good, mijita. Don’t take shit from nobody,” Jandro said. “And remember to change your fucking oil. Don’t let your bike suffer, okay?”
I snorted. “I will, viejito.”
“Call us for help if you need it,” Reaper told me next. “For anything, sugar cube. Even if we’re not hovering over you, we’re right here. You’reneveralone, understand?”
“Thanks, Dad.” I nodded, my throat drying out again.
Shadow came up to me next and said nothing for a long moment, just held me against his broad chest until he pulled away, his hands still on my shoulders. “You’re stronger than you think you are,” he said. “There will be times when you want to give up, but you won’t. You’re going to hold on, because you have it in you. Trust me on that.”
There was so much experience and personal meaning layered into those words, like he’d said them to himself hundreds of times before. I only nodded, meeting his gaze to show that I understood. Then I turned to my last father.
“Trust your instincts, Rori. Your aim is true, you know why?” Gunner whispered into my ear as he hugged me. “Because you’remyfucking daughter.”
I was already getting swept over by emotion, but that last sentence did me in. My eyes squeezed shut as I took a shuddering breath, clinging to his shoulders.
“We love you,” Gunner said, gently rocking me from side to side. “And we’re so fucking proud of you.”
“I haven’t even done anything,” I whispered back. “I don’t knowwhatto do.”
“You’re taking the first steps. You’ve accepted the responsibility. That’s huge.” He pulled away, hands cupping my shoulders as he looked at me. “No matter what happens, we’re so fucking proud.” His hands dropped away as he stepped back with a lopsided smile. “Just come back to your old dads, alright?”
“Will do,” I said shakily, forcing a smile. With another deep breath to center myself, I turned to my mother.
